It is January. That means packed gyms, new diets, and New Year’s resolutions. You either jump on the resolution band wagon or you don’t. Generally there aren’t many fence sitters to the resolution game. I am a New Year’s resolution kind of a girl. I love a fresh calendar, a new year, a fresh start. Being a homeschool mom, my year operates more August-May than January-December, but I never miss the opportunity to set new goals for myself and January always feels like the right time to do that. I pull out my journal, review the goals from last year, and set new goals in the following categories: spiritual, physical, intellectual, financial, practical, and relational. My zeal often leads to a long list. Every January it is a mixed bag of feeling accomplished over a few successful things and feeling discouraged over the long list of things I didn’t do. I don’t meet the resolutions for a variety of reasons from over ambitious goal setting to forgetting what resolutions I actually made. Many share my frustration. So are resolution and goal setting even worth it the effort? Rebekah Lyons made a statement on Instagram that has reshaped how I look at this year. She said we should focus on rhythms vs. resolutions. With a resolution you get one shot to get a right, but with a rhythm you are focused on creating a new pattern that will build over time. Resolutions are unforgiving. Commit to go to the gym five days a week and if you get sick, the commitment is over. Commit to no desserts in January and one slice of birthday cake and the rest of the month is out the window.
But a rhythm feels different. Developing a new rhythm gives grace for growth. While it is true that goals need to be measurable to be successful, often we need to celebrate forward progress instead of criticizing every misstep. Creating new rhythms also helps us think about what is important to us. If you want to have a body that can keep up with your grandkids, you don’t need a resolution to never eat dessert again; you need a rhythm of regularly moving and fueling your body well. If you want a clean house, you don’t need a resolution to Marie Kondo every space in your home, you just need a rhythm of putting everything in its place each night before bed. We brush our teeth every morning without much fanfare. We shower every day without a sticky note to remind us. Once we build rhythms and habits, things are accomplished with less effort and less stress, leaving mental space for other things. In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear gives a masterclass on building new habits and rhythms. After reading his book I made one simple change that has led to a new rhythm I’ve wanted for a long time – I moved the dental floss out of the drawer and onto the sink. Seeing the dental floss every day, and knowing dental health is important to me, has helped me finally build a consistent habit of flossing. Many times “flossing – this the year!” found its way to my resolution list, but it wasn’t until I gave myself thee grace to build a rhythm and made a small change to make that easier that I actually did it. Rhythms lead to lasting change. This year I am taking time to think about what areas of my life are important enough to deserve focused attention on change. It requires more thought up front but helps me focus on lasting change vs random goals. I have a solid workout rhythm, so setting a goal to run a marathon wouldn’t be a good use of my time given my priorities and passions. What do I want to change and how can I articulate that into a rhythm that can be cultivated vs a menacing resolution that pushes me toward fear of failure? Those are the types of things going on the goal sheet for 2024. I still have some specific goals, like finishing the second draft of my next book, but the habit of setting regular writing blocks is the rhythm that will get me to that goal. What rhythms do you want to build in your life this year?
Before we moved to Spain, I had never considered living outside the US. While I knew it was always within the realm of possibility as a military family, we were never actively pursuing it.
Our move to Spain was unique because it would put us eight hours from the nearest base, fully immersed in the culture.
Well, almost fully immersed. I didn’t anticipate fighting the battle of living with one foot in America and one foot in Spain.
The military allowed us to move all of our belongings, except for major appliances like our washer and dryer. So, once our stuff arrived, inside the walls of our house felt like America, minus the bread drawer and jamon slicer in my kitchen.
The first few months, I fought to make my surroundings feel like I had never left America. Wal-Mart and Amazon shipments filled my pantry with peanut butter, Kind bars, Triscuits, and even Bounty select-a-size paper towels. We kept our online homeschool classes and piano lessons in the US, giving us afternoon and evening classes. We stationed multiple transformers around the house to use things like our keyboard, TVs, and Instant Pot. We bought what felt like hundreds of plug adapters for dual voltage electronics like our phones, computers, and sound machines (a necessity in every Monroe bedroom). Even outside of our house, we screamed “American,” driving the only Honda Odyssey on the streets of Valencia. The discomfort was tangible as we sought to squeeze our American life into our new Spanish reality.
As we began to meet other non-military Americans and ex-pats, I realized that our situation was unique. All of the ex-pats we knew rented furnished apartments, only bringing with them clothes and other essentials. They stepped off the plane and never got to escape into an American cocoon. I began to look at them with a bit of envy.
Living with one foot here and one foot there isn’t wrong; it is just my reality. While I do love my monthly Amazon shipments, there have been times it would be nice to not have to reach back to America for so many things to operate day to day. I have to order print cartridges, schoolbooks, printer paper (if I want the paper to fit in a three-ring binder), stamps, oil, filters, and parts for the cars. While we did buy some European items like a coffee pot, hairdryer, fans, and a space heater, I hit a point several months ago where I refused to buy anything else with a European plug. (Our nomadic lifestyle tendencies kick in as we start to look ahead to the next place, months before we actually leave.)
I wouldn’t change our circumstances. I’m thankful for the experience of being immersed in a culture. And I am grateful I could order my kids a box of cheerios to give them a little piece of home when everything around them changed so quickly. Nothing gave me the comfort of home when I needed it most than when my van arrived in Spain. However, some moments parking a European car into tiny spots would be far easier than my Odyssey. I love the oasis of our house in the suburbs, but I know my Spanish would be far better if we lived in the city and I had to interact with more people daily. Our kids being in school this year has at least provided more interaction and language skills for them.
One foot on either side of the ocean was what I needed for this move. We have adopted some Spanish ways, learned the language…all while eating off American paper plates. While we will miss so many things about our lives here when we move back to America, looking for a plug adapter when we need to charge a phone will not be one of them.
During our sixteen-year nomadic journey from one home to the next, we have lived in everything from a cookie-cutter three-bedroom two bath, to a 100-year-old apartment, to a sprawling Spanish villa. The highs and lows of each house have given us a clearer picture of what we would like in our “someday house.” From big-ticket items like a basement to small things like plenty of outlets in strategic places, we have begun to determine what matters to us and what just doesn’t.
We typically live in military housing, which isn’t always known for its innovation or frills like sitting rooms and basements. Contrast that to the past three years where we’ve been incredibly fortunate to have an overseas housing allowance that has afforded us things we’ve never had in our houses in the states – a spacious backyard, swimming pool, a collection of fruit trees, five bedrooms, and garage that could fit six cars if you parked them just right. It even has a stone tower worthy of Rapunzel. We would love to incorporate the basics of this floor plan, a five-bedroom, one-level house on a basement, into our future home with some American updates, like central air.
In preparation for our return to the US this summer, we recently put a contract on a new construction house in South Carolina (sight unseen, which is a bit scary!). Since military housing wasn’t an option, we had the opportunity to look at many floor plans in new construction neighborhoods in this growing area. Floor plans, 3D models, and virtual walk-throughs gave us a crash course in what appeals to buyers in our demographic.
We noticed one thing repeatedly in each house we looked at: the square footage spent on the master suite. When did master closets become the size of football fields? Why exactly are master bedrooms so enormous compared to other bedrooms? I totally get that the people paying the bills should not get shafted in the deal, but why have so much square footage in a bedroom?
All of this comparing and contrasting over the last few months have cemented in our mind our Dream House Wish List.
Basement – this is our biggest dream to have a basement complete with a kids’ hang-out area, dedicated schoolroom, and home gym.
Open Floor Plan – you don’t have to have a huge house for it to be functional. We value square footage in open living spaces. Instead of a master bedroom big enough for three king-size beds, we would use the square footage for a loft or office.
Custom Closets – I know walk-in closets are all the rage, but we have built-in custom closets in our current house, and we never want to go back! Closets with built-in drawers and functional storage areas reduce the wasted floor space of walk-in closets and can completely eliminate the need for dressers. I know this is a far-fetched dream for an American house, but check out my Instagram story for a detailed look, and I promise you will want to abandon team walk-in closet!
Kitchen – this is the hub of our home. I would prioritize money for the kitchen over anything else. Plenty of storage, functionality, a garbage disposal, gas range, double ovens, a refrigerator with water and ice (a luxury we’ve rarely had), and a walk-in pantry are all must-haves.
Outdoor space – area for a trampoline, green space, outdoor kitchen and dining, and a pool all make the dream list for outdoor space. We have been incredibly spoiled with our outdoor space and the climate to enjoy it here in Spain. I was hesitant about the pool at first, but with proper safety measures and a pool maintenance man, it has been amazing! Living in a climate where we can spend a lot of time outside has become a big priority. With stone terraces, fruit trees, and walkways wrapping around most of our house, the green space in the back leaves just enough to enjoy without owning a tractor to manage it all.
Central Heating and Air – when you have lived without it, it makes the list.
Bathrooms with a separate door for the shower and toilet. When kids are sharing a bathroom, this is such a game-changer!
Mud Room – I love this area to organize shoes, snow gear, backpacks, and sports equipment.
Carpet in the bedrooms – We have lived in several houses with hardwoods throughout. While I love hardwoods, I enjoy having carpet between my toes in my bedroom.
Storage – at least one large closet is important for things like luggage. A walk-up attic or space in the garage for shelving for seasonal items.
Our list is constantly changing as our priorities shift and our family needs change. Only the Lord knows if we will ever get to incorporate any of these into that elusive someday house, but for now, it is fun to dream. What is on your dream list?
From the outside, military kids’ lives often look like a page out of Oh the Places You’ll Go. From riding camels in Egypt to surfing in Hawaii, to field trips to the flight simulators and seeing the northern lights in Alaska – on any given day, my newsfeed can be filled with military families’ highlight reels of adventures. While they have some fantastic opportunities, like everyone else in life, the newsfeed doesn’t always capture the struggle. While struggle isn’t unique to military kids, they have many opportunities for growth built into their little worlds that they may not have otherwise.
When we decided to move to Spain, our kids were 10, 7, 4, and 1. While we consulted the older kids in the decision, none of them were old enough to truly understand what a move like that would mean in their lives. Packing up and moving was so typical that it didn’t really feel any different…until it did.
They were shielded from much of the initial jolt of living in a foreign country due to homeschooling. The real estate agent or the cable guy didn’t expect a response from them. They didn’t have to navigate roundabouts or the grocery store or find a church. Their daily routine had the same rhythm it always had. Not to say they didn’t struggle at all. Finding friends felt impossible for the older kids in a neighborhood with walls around every house and a church where our kids made up 90% of the children’s church. However, they did have a foundation of normalcy.
During a Thanksgiving dinner with friends in 2019, a native Spaniard asked where our kids went to school. Since homeschooling is a foreign concept here, that is not always an easy question to answer. He replied, “That’s good, but what a pity they will walk away from living in a foreign country for three years without learning to speak the language.”
Over the next several weeks, I couldn’t shake his comment. We had lived in Spain fifteen months at the time, and our Spanish was weak. (It is totally possible to live in a foreign country and not learn the language, especially when you speak English to each other every day at home, you homeschool your kids, your husband speaks English at work, and almost all of your friends are Americans.) Chad and I prayed over the decision for the next several weeks, and both came to the same conclusion – we wanted to send our kids to school. Not only were they not learning the language, but they were also lonely. We usually have a network of homeschooling families and activities, but there was nothing of the sort in Spain.
We saw the opportunity to do something for our kids that would benefit them for the rest of their lives. Beyond just learning a second language (which is a big deal), going to a school in Spain would forever give them perspective and empathy of being the new kid. It would provide them with the confidence (we hoped) to know that they could do new things even if they seemed hard at first. They would get a deeper appreciation for Spanish culture and have the opportunity to make new friends. They would also get to ride a school bus, which is every homeschooler’s dream.
Other friends who had put their kids directly into Spanish schools without their kids knowing the language cheered us on in our decision, assuring us that while the beginning would be hard, three months into school, our kids would be thriving.
The girls each had the opportunity to say yes or no. We knew the long-term benefits they would gain but didn’t want to force them into the decision. This wouldn’t just be a new school – it would be the first time they went to any school. Throw in a global pandemic, and everything would be taught in Spanish, and you have a big learning curve staring at them. They would have to navigate learning how to go to school, find their bus, balance homework, make friends on the playground and learn Spanish, all while wearing masks. Three out of the four kids agreed to the idea with varying levels of trepidation. Jake, who was three at the time, did not see the value of spending the entire day away from his mom!
Through the upheaval of Covid the following spring, we enrolled all four kids in school and waited for September to come. We bought new uniforms, backpacks, pencils and eight pairs of new shoes. On the first day of school, I’m not sure who was more nervous. Having navigated the entire enrollment process in Spanish, I doubted the instructions I gave to them because I doubted my own ability to fully understand the information that had been given to me. Thankfully they had been to two weeks of summer camp at the school, which gave them a basic knowledge of the layout and some familiar faces.
We pulled up to the school and filed in line behind the closed gate. As the doors slid open, all four of our kids took a step forward. They didn’t freeze. They didn’t run to the safety of the van. They walked through the doors, understanding how challenging the next few weeks would be.
Addison and Mya quickly found their classes, and Chad and I split up to take Lucy and Jake. I walked up to the preschool door with Jake tugging on my arm. After a brief exchange with the teacher, I realized we were at the wrong classroom.
“Mom, that’s not my class,” he had been trying to tell me. He remembered his teacher’s face from our initial meeting with her and knew that lady wasn’t her. We walked around the building, and he knew when we had found the right class.
After a brief hug and kiss, he confidently walked into the room, not looking back for a moment.
I met Chad at the gate to leave, my eyes already brimming with tears, but his face caused me to pause.
“Lucy’s teacher wasn’t at their line. I’m not even sure if she is with the right class.”
With Covid restrictions, we were limited to where we could go in the schoolyard and were asked to leave as soon as we dropped our kids off. Covid or not, we couldn’t leave until we knew she was settled.
I weaved my way through the throng of kids to the second-grade class lines. She stood at the end of the line, her blond pigtails framing her face. Two blue eyes bulging with tears peaked over her pink mask. I inhaled deeply to keep from losing it right there on the patio. She needed me to be strong for her in that moment. I could cry later.
I found her teacher, told her that Lucy knew very little Spanish (shocking that she had not been made aware of that before), and the teacher, feeling my concern, brought another girl over to stand with Lucy and help her navigate the day. I gave her a hug and whispered a prayer into her ear. I wanted those kids to be able to see her beautiful smile. I wanted them to rush to her and make her feel welcome. I wanted to save her from the pain and discomfort she was facing.
But I walked away. I had to entrust each of them to their Heavenly Father, knowing His eyes would be there, even when I couldn’t see them. I had a good cry sitting in my van and welcomed them with hugs and cookies when they stepped off the bus that afternoon.
I have never been more proud of my kids than I was that day. I couldn’t do what I was asking them to do. They faced their fears and continued to go back day after day. Days were hard in the beginning. Their bodies and minds were exhausted by the end of the day. Homework humbled all of us as we were all forced to drink from the fire hydrant of learning a second language. But six months later, we are all still standing. They are each conversational for their age, and they love school, minus the fish lunches. Addison has jumped into eighth-grade work with no remedial classes for Spanish and is passing every class. Mya speaks as fast as a native kid. Our shy little Lucy has surprised us all by loving school more than anyone else. Jake’s teacher says now she would never know he wasn’t a native speaker.
We aren’t perfect parents. We fall short so often, but I am so thankful we took this leap. As parents, we have opportunities to expand our kids’ horizons for the opportunity of growth. Sometimes it is not the right time or season for hard growth, but sometimes it is. We can’t let our fear stand in the way of their opportunities. They are capable of so much more than we think they are. There are times the Lord is calling us to toss them into the deep end of the pool so that we can watch them swim!
PS – I am in the midst of a 30-day writing challenge. You may see a few more emails from me than normal, but know it is just temporary and I promise not to bombard your inbox forever!
Is God good even when He says no to our most desperate prayers?
I am a teacher. Some days my kids probably wish that I weren’t because it makes for longer than average explanations, a sometimes over-enthusiasm for learning, and a high standard for homework checks. I probably go over my daily word limit when I feel passionate about a subject and enjoy pulling threads of understanding and faith into any topic.
A few weeks ago, I was teaching an online high school history class. While discussing the empires of Assyria and Babylon, I dove into a discussion about the goodness of God. Through the pages of Scripture describing this time period, we see a cruel and unforgiving world where cities are pillaged, nations destroyed, people slaughtered, and people starving. By the end of class, my pulse quickened, and I resisted the urge to stand to my feet as I implored them to view all of life through the lens of the goodness of God.
“If we don’t come to these events with a foundational belief that God is good, we can quickly lose our footing theologically. If God is good, then even the worst events in history, from the destruction of Jerusalem to the Holocaust, to childhood cancer and human trafficking, can be seen as pieces of a puzzle that God is ultimately working together for good. Suppose we don’t fundamentally believe that He is good. In that case, we have no basis for how to interpret a God that can allow such atrocities.”
Days after my resounding commentary on the goodness of God, I walked through a tough week of hardship, sickness, and death in our circle of friends. A dear friend died of Covid. A pastor and mentor died after a painful and abrupt battle with cancer. Another friend, a husband, pastor, and father of four lay in the ICU fighting for his life. It felt like the next wave of sadness crashed before I had a chance to come up for air.
It is moments like these that our faith, what we put our hope in, whether that is God or something, is tested. Pain and suffering can shine a light into the deepest parts of our soul, where we learn if the faith we claim to have can handle the harsh realities of a fallen world.
Grief and concern piled on top of the painful reality of being an ocean away and the weariness of a year of lockdowns and restrictions. The heaviness pressed on me like a dark, wet blanket. Even in the darkness, however, I had a bedrock of truth forged years ago supporting me.
If you know me, you probably know how much I love my grandparents. They have been pillars in my life. In 2001, during my sophomore year in college, my parents called and said to come home. My Pa-paw was dying. I drove the nine hours home from Ohio the next morning with sadness, silence, and troubling anticipation as my constant companions.
When the time came to say our final goodbye, my dad gathered the family in a circle stretching beyond the waiting room to the elevator doors. His prayer at that moment stands as a cornerstone of my faith. He prayed the words of Daniel 3:17 (which was spoken by three Hebrew teenagers as they stood up to an emperor in the face of certain death):
“If it be so, our God who we serve is able to deliver us from this and to raise Pa-paw up and heal him. But if not…” his voice cracked with emotion. “But if not, O God, we will still love you and serve you. We know that You are good. You are faithful to us even now.”
My dad’s faith came to life for me that day. It wasn’t just a faith that he talked about or hoped would be there one day. It wasn’t a list of rules and regulations or obligations of service. His faith wasn’t in a church building or a religious system. His faith – my faith – stood up to even the most difficult circumstances because it was based on a fundamental trust in the goodness of God. God wasn’t a vending machine from whom we could demand a particular response. To trust in a God that answers our every demand is to trust in a being subject to our own whims and desires. And to trust in a God that isn’t fundamentally good is terrifying.
A peace washed through my heart standing in that circle. It seared my faith with an understanding that no matter what I saw around me, I could trust in a God who was good and had good plans for me and those I loved.
I’ve had a few “But if not” moments in my own life since then. I’ve stood at cliffs of uncertainty where He was asking me to jump and trust that He would catch me. In those moments, I have had to decide if He really would. Each time I have stood with more confidence than the last that my hope in Christ is real and sustaining. It is what I have when I’ve sat in a puddle with the pieces of my shattered life surrounding me. It is the confidence I can have that He will make all things new one day, even if the answer is not today. One day every sickness will be healed. Poverty and crime will be eradicated. Whether He chooses to answer my prayers on this day or that day, I can trust that He is a loving, good, and kind God. He doesn’t orchestrate evil in the world, but in His kindness, He uses it to draw me closer to Him.
PS – I am in the midst of a 30-day writing challenge. You may see a few more emails from me than normal, but know it is just temporary and I promise not to bombard your inbox forever!
I grew up in the heart of the Bible Belt, in a county that, thirty years ago, barely scraped the corner of metro-Atlanta. It’s the kind of place where everyone goes to church on Sunday, waves an American flag, drinks sweet tea, and takes their second amendment rights seriously. My dad is also a Baptist deacon and choir director. All of these factors set me up for some spot-on stereotypes:
I can quickly discern a good casserole from a bad one in the homecoming buffet line.
I know the difference between culottes and walking shorts and have owned both.
It might be an even split between hours I spent at church and hours I spent at home during my childhood.
I know the words to each stanza of “There’s Power in the Blood,” “Victory in Jesus,” “I’ll Fly Away,” and “Just as I Am.”
I’ve been to a lot of funerals.
While going to funerals is probably written into a Baptist deacon’s job description, it is also written into our DNA as a family. My grandmothers and mom have modeled how to take care of people when they are grieving. When someone dies, you take a meal, send flowers, visit the family at the funeral home, attend the funeral and the graveside service. Maybe this is routine for southerners, churchgoers, or people in a strong community, but growing up, I thought it was normal for everyone. It wasn’t until I met my husband and learned that he had only been to one funeral in his life that I realized regularly attending funerals wasn’t the norm for everyone.
Our world has had much to grieve over the last year. While everyone walks through the stages of grief differently, we all need to grieve to move on in a healthy way when we suffer loss. For me, going to funerals is an essential part of the grieving process. Funerals give an opportunity to share memories with others, grieve together and celebrate and honor the life of the person who died. It provides a sense of closure as I pass from one stage of grief to the next. Since living in Europe, I have missed the funerals of several people dear to me. Each time my grief was compounded by not being able to go to the funeral, like a pouring salt into a tender wound.
While helping us grieve, funerals also provide a time to celebrate life. No matter how short, long, accomplished, simple, broken, or restored – each God-given life is worthy of remembering. Whether it is a large gathering in a church or a handful of people in field, every person deserves to have those closest to them speak words over them in their remembrance. It gives dignity to their life and death and a chance to focus on our ultimate hope of eternity. On a recent trip to Normandy, I walked through the American Cemetery with my children. As we passed each white cross, we took turns saying the names out loud of the men who had given their lives there in the name of freedom. I wanted my children to know the value of each life and the high cost of freedom and I somehow wanted those men to know they were not forgotten.
I’ve bought last-minute plane tickets, driven through the night, stood at snowy gravesides and the hallowed grounds of Arlington because often our presence in times of grief is meaningful not only to us but to others. There is something about showing up to funerals and memorials that shows the family that their loved one impacted others and will not be forgotten. I remember a high school friend who drove a long way to come to my Pa-paw’s funeral. It was a simple but meaningful gesture of support that I still remember twenty years later.
Whether it’s the high cost of burial, busy schedules, distance between loved ones, or now Covid restrictions, there is a subtle shift in norms in our society on the importance of funerals and shared grief. Now more than ever, I believe we need to walk through grief well. We need to grieve together, honor the dead, support their families, and share the hope of an eternity free from pain, suffering, and death. Even if we can’t attend a funeral, we can share a meal, send a card, or make a phone call to support the family and remember the life.
The purpose of these posts is to answer your questions! If you still have questions after reading these articles, please send me a message. I’m happy to help!
I often get a little jealous of an octopus and think if I just had a few more arms, maybe I could balance all the demands of the day with a bit more grace! Whether you homeschool or not, all parents face the reality of juggling multiple hats and responsibilities. We are already moms, wives, taxi drivers, cooks, cleaners and accountants. Throw homeschooling into the routine and now we are teachers, principals, guidance counselors, day care workers and hall monitors. If that weren’t enough, many of us have to balance a job we get paid for on top of everything else.
Whether you are homeschooling temporarily and trying to figure out how to balance your job and teaching or you stay at home full time, there will always be demands on your time outside of the classroom. It is never a perfect or an easy balance. Some days your work will suffer and sometimes your kids’ schoolwork will suffer. Always extend grace to yourself, knowing that it is not the individual days that will break a career or an education – it is the consistent day to day work that brings change in the long run.
Here are a few things that can help in figuring out the balance in your home and be a little more like the mama octopus.
Count the Cost
Homeschooling your children takes a lot of time and effort. You have to be present and involved no matter how independent your curriculum. If your family has decided to homeschool, you need to ask yourself why you are working. You have to have a clear why for both or everyone will suffer. Our kids are young for a much shorter season than we realize and sometimes not working, choosing to live on one income or put our careers on hold, is the right answer.
2. Learn to Say No
The mantra of most moms today is “more is better.” More sports and activities for our kids is better. More curriculum is better. A bigger house is better. More workout sessions is better. More friends. More stuff. Just more.
More is not always better. Sometimes it’s just more. In order to teach our children well and meet our own personal work goals, we have to say no to other, often appealing, opportunities for ourselves and our children.
Nehemiah 6:3 is my key verse for this season of homeschool young children.
“And I sent messengers unto them, saying, I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, while I leave it, and come down to you?”
Nehemiah had a great work to do in rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. He had a short season of intense work that needed his undivided attention. He refused to become distracted and allow the work to suffer. The same is true for us. This season of raising kids is so short. Guard your calendar wisely and learn to say no to good things so you can say yes to the best things.
3. Set Work Hours
Each job is unique in its time requirements, but before choosing to hold a job and homeschool, it helps to clearly draw lines around which hours are for work, which hours are for school, which hours are for housework/errands/kids activities and which hours are for sleep and downtime. This will give you the freedom and accountability in your week to achieve the goals you have set. Having an established schedule of when you are going to work allows your family to anticipate your availability.
As I was writing my first book, I set aside Fridays and naptimes for my work hours. Without established hours to work, I would have either tried to work all the time or I would have neglected work as immediate needs popped up around me. During these established work hours, I literally ignored everything around me other than emergency needs for my kids. I ignored the pile of laundry. I ignored the mom guilt of not taking my kids to park. I knew in order to achieve the goal of writing my book, I had to focus on work. I also knew at other times during the week that I could focus on my family and housework because I would have time later in the week to attend to the work demands building throughout the week.
Even if you don’t have a traditional job, housework, errands and other demands can steal your attention away from teaching. A teacher in a classroom wouldn’t run to the grocery store in the middle of class, right? One of the beauties of homeschooling is the flexibility, but it can be helpful to establish a few hours where your kids have your undivided attention. For me it is in the morning. I put my phone down, ignore the house and focus on teaching until lunch. This is HARD for me and I don’t succeed every day, but it is beneficially for everyone when I submit my to do list to the needs of those around me.
4. Hire Help
Several years ago, I heard a veteran homeschooling mom at a homeschool conference say, “I am constantly amazed at young, often frazzled, homeschooling moms that think they can do it all. Here’s the truth – you cannot do it all and you certainly can’t do it all well.”
Hiring help is a wise investment for homeschooling families, especially ones with outside work commitments. There are jobs in my house that only I can do. No one can love my husband and my children for me. No one give me the joy I receive in teaching my child to read. No one can disciple my teenager. No one can write a book for me. However, someone CAN clean my toilets or cut my grass or play with my toddler.
Especially when your children are young, strongly consider hiring someone to help with whatever tasks take the most of your time and energy. Over the years I have hired house cleaners, yard guys, and part-time nannies. When I worked on Fridays, I hired a homeschool high schooler to come hang out with my kids and make lunch. I’ve hired a college age student to come play with my youngest three mornings a week to give me time to work with my oldest kids on school and write.
Even if you cannot afford a nanny or a house cleaner, consider swapping hours with another mom or family member.
5. Cultivate Independence in Your Kids
As parents we should be trying to work ourselves out of a job. Teaching our children to work independently is mutually beneficial for us and them. We need to give them opportunities to learn and grow outside of our reach, which can be a challenge if we are with them all the time. Making lunches, working on schoolwork independently, cleaning bathroom, and playing with younger siblings are all tangible ways that your children can give you time and space to work on things outside the classroom.
6. Establish a 4 Day School Week
Planning in a flex day each week is a great idea, whether you work from home or not. Younger students can easily get all their work done in four days and older students can work independently or plan their schedule to have a lighter day. Not teaching and supervising schoolwork can give you an opportunity for concentrated work hours.
This can totally depend on your kids though. Sometimes your kids need schoolwork to keep them busy, so do what works best for your family. For the most part, my kids entertain themselves and play well, so I only give them a few independent tasks for school on Fridays.
Our lives are better when we create margin. Our kids and our spouses will benefit from our efforts to prioritize tasks, ask for help where we need it and guard our time.
How do you balance work and chores in your homeschooling days?
I am excited to feature my friend and fellow homeschooling mom of five, Leigh Gust, in my Homeschooling 101 Series! She is sharing her wisdom about why Morning Time is so valuable and how you can incorporate it, even if you don’t homeschool! You can follow Leigh over atThe Prime Pursuit. If you missed the other articles in this series, be sure to catch up here.
Are you sick of schools and churches not teaching your children what you need them to know? Do you need a little more order in your day beyond “clean up your breakfast and go do your work?” Are you wishing you were more intentional about memory work, music study, or family prayer time? Are there valuable fields of learning you just never seem to get around to?
You need Morning Time in your life!
The single most valuable element of our homeschool experience is the habit of Morning Time. I learned about it from a friend of mine the first year I was homeschooling. She called it “Table Time” and described it as a time when all members of her family gathered around the table for stories with warm drinks. It sounded far too dreamy to be true…I was nowhere near a place where I could keep all my cats in that kind of a box! So I did not bother with it. However, throughout my homeschooling research, I came across the concept/suggestion of Morning Time again and again.
Alas, Morning Time is the cornerstone of our day.
There are many ways to do it, and it doesn’t have to be in the morning. In fact, you don’t even have to call it Morning Time! You can name it whatever makes sense to you: Table Time, Family Circle, The Gathering, Symposium, or any other creative and fun title! **Even more important: you don’t have to homeschool to do morning time with your kids! My kids were in school for nearly two years, and we were still able to do an abbreviated version while they ate breakfast!
This is a ritual…a sacred space…a centering of our hearts and minds for the coming day ahead. Its components are the beautiful things that mean the most and shape the culture of our family.
Here is a list of our typical Morning Time routine:
Prayer. Open with a short prayer. If you are not particularly religious, it can be a moment of silence, or a few positive statements to bring everyone’s attention to the table.
Light a candle. I do this to remind us of the presence of the Holy Spirit among us.
Music. This sets a mood for the MT session. Any music works! Think about playing one of the old hymns (Use Chris Rice…his voice is contemporary yet supremely holy.) You could pick a classical piece, or a piece of music from the culture or time period you are studying. Anything. It’s just a small bit of music appreciation sprinkled into your children’s ears. Music is spiritual and it sets a tone in the home.
Bible. Anywhere from 5 minutes up to one chapter. I read from the real Bible, and I love reading the NLT aloud—it communicates beautifully. I also am obsessed with the Jesus Story Book Bible, which has me in tears every time I read it. Sometimes I set a timer for 5 minutes to avoid overkill, or my getting carried away. You will be stunned at how much content you can read aloud from the Bible in 5 minutes!
Note: Usually, I don’t expound upon what I have read, because they glaze over the minute I start to sermonize. I want scripture to speak for itself, burrow down into their hearts, and I don’t want my excess words to get in the way. Sometimes I read one of the study notes at the bottom of the page if there is anything that needs clarification.
MemoryWork. We work for 5 -10 minutes on our current memory work project. In our family, this is always scripture. But this is also the space for internalizing an inspiring portion of literature, a piece of poetry, or a speech or passage that you want sealed into your and the children’s brains! I have written an article about the details of the process, but essentially, the passage must be read 50 times out loud to arrive at total mastery.
Literature. I have a read-aloud going all the time, and I usually read one chapter. Because my kiddos are all doing a lot of reading for their respective classes, I tend to stick to missionary stories/biographies.
Something fun. Sometimes I play a fun/educational YouTube video that I or one of the kids wants to share. Sometimes we play a quick game of Spoons, Hot Potato, or Pass the Pandas. This is where you fit in levity, so that later in the day, when you start panicking over whether you are a fun mom, you get to tell yourself yes. You are a super. fun. mom. 😊
Closing Prayer. We go around the table and each person offers up a prayer request for themselves or someone else. After someone makes a request, I ask “Who will pray for that?” and someone else at the table volunteers to pray for it. Once everyone has shared, we go around the table and pray aloud for each other’s requests. I usually close with a few prayers that our day would be centered on peace, self-control, and wisdom.
There you have it. What I’ve described to you in the list above is just a sliver of the myriad of things you can incorporate into your Morning Time. I’ve read about people doing art, nature study, Shakespeare, geography, philosophy, drama, games…the list is endless. The only thing required is your enthusiasm. So, whatever you decide to include in the repertoire, make sure you pick only the things that you love.
On the best days, morning time lasts 60-90 minutes. On days we are hurried, it can be abbreviated to about 15. A little bit goes a long way. Sarah MacKenzie points out that 5 minutes of reading aloud per day equals 60 hours per year!! That small deposit accumulates exponentially over time!
One of the best aspects of this gathering is how we are all learning together, age 3-39! Almost every element of our Morning Time enriches me as much (or sometimes more) than it enriches them! I need prayer, I need music appreciation, I need scripture memory, I need Bible, and literature! It is truly family-learning time; I am just the facilitator.
Distractions.
Do you think my five kiddos ages 3-14 sit there with rosy cheeks and halos hovering over their heads while we are going through the routine? If you said yes, then you don’t have kids.
If I am being honest I don’t think we go about five minutes without some kind of interruption. It’s maddening. But I have seen so much fruit that the interruptions don’t deter us. It’s just part of it. You will have coping mechanisms to deal with the inevitable interruptions. Go ahead and have the expectation that it will be choppy.
One bit of advice: start small. Don’t fly out of the blocks with a 90 minute session. Start with only one or two things, and then over the course of a few weeks, you can add on as everyone adjusts.
Quiet coloring, stickers, and small amounts of playdoh keep little and big hands busy for listening. I allow them to do any quiet activity, provided they are not making noise. Eating during morning time is a no: it seems to add large amounts of interruption…not sure why. But that may just be my lot. During winter, I sometimes make hot chocolate or cider for them to sip on while they are listening. Finally, Thinking Putty! It is one of Morning Time’s best friends.
I don’t know what I would do without this. Morning Time encapsulates about 85% of the entire reason we are homeschooling: to build our family on a foundation of truth, beauty and goodness.
I wish you all the best on your journey of leading your family! Thank you, Stephanie, for hosting me here on Pens of Grace, it’s truly an honor!
This is the fourth article in my Homeschooling 101 series. If you missed the first three posts on Finding Your Why, Choosing Curriculum and the Nuts and Bolts of Organization, be sure to read those here, here, and here.
Most homeschooling families have at least one little person running around just wanting to have fun while everyone else is working. The little eyes that say, “Guys can’t we put all this stuff aside and go to the park or play legos?”
The struggle to teach while entertaining non-school aged kids is universal to at least some degree and every homeschooling mom needs a few tricks up her sleeve to help keep the homeschooling day from getting derailed by the adorable, energy-filled, little cabooses.
My friend Lindsay, a homeschooling mom and mother of seven said, “Interruptions are always an opportunity to teach our children. Older kids can learn self-discipline, independence, compassion and social awareness as we learn and model how to work through interruptions in our day with grace.”
While diaper changes and discipline opportunities may feel like wrecking balls to the progress of the day, learning to embrace the messy rhythm of life with littles brings peace in the midst of chaos and freedom from the oppressive push for perfection.
Having multiple ages sharing a classroom has far more pros than cons. One of the most beautiful things is watching your kids develop friendships and connections with their siblings they may not have time to develop if they were in separate classrooms each day. You can learn to herd the cats and cherish the time together while still managing to get your work done most days.
To give you a deep well of ideas, I reached out to several of my friends and homeschooling veterans to weigh in and give their tried and true methods for juggling littles during the school day. Between the five of us we have twenty-five children, ranging in age from six months to sixteen, providing an ample well of successes and failures to draw from. Many of these ideas were universal across the panel of moms, each implemented in a unique way for each family.
Choose Curriculum Wisely – If you are in a season of diaper changes, breastfeeding and potty training, choose your curriculum with those hurdles in mind. The most interactive, teacher-led curriculum may not be the best fit for that season of life. An all in one box curriculum or online curriculum could be a good choice for a season if you want minimal planning, grading and hands on teaching. If you love getting elbow deep in teaching, projects, and crafts, then you could pick one subject to be more interactive (science is always the easiest, but there are tons of fun options for other subjects too).
Morning Time – Always include your little ones in your morning time routine. I know it is easy to turn the tv on in the morning and just leave it on but resist the urge and bring the little ones into the group. Even if they don’t sit still, they can glean a ton of information just by listening to Bible verses, memorization songs and read alouds. (I have an entire post about developing your own Morning Time routine next week!)
Pack n Play or Blanket Time – This is an idea I first read about in Babywise and was one of the most passionate suggestions given by my friend Kerry, homeschooling mom of four. The idea is designed for infants and toddlers, where you place the child in a pack n play or on a blanket with a few toys and books for a set amount of time. The child must stay in the pack n play or on the blanket the entire time. You can rotate the toys each session. This is a fantastic method to not only teach your child obedience but will help develop their ability to play and learn independently.
Simply start with a small amount of time, like 5 minutes and work up to larger chunks of time, like 30-45 minutes. Fair warning – this will take an invest of time on your part in the beginning, applying discipline if the child leaves the blanket before the time is up, but will be well worth your effort in the long run. As you work to increase the blanket time, you will have larger chunks of time to dedicate to lessons with your older kids.
You can also apply this to older kids in the form of room time. For instance, when my 1st grader is done with her lessons for the day, she could have an hour of room time to give me a chance to focus on lessons with the oldest kids or to prepare dinner or other chores.
It is important for the littles to understand that while Mommy will always take care of them, Mommy is not always available or responsible for their entertainment.
Rotating Stations – Five out of five moms in my panel agreed that rotating stations is the key to a successful school day with littles. You simply set up stations that each child or pair of children rotates through. Generally, 20-30 minutes works best for each rotation, allowing enough time to get something done, but not enough time to get bored. If you have a larger family, just pair kids up to rotate through the stations.
An important skill I have tried to cultivate in my children is to transition quickly from one activity to the other. I can quickly switch into drill sergeant mode when my kid’s moving from the piano back to her desk looks like a 20-minute parade of a molasses fairy through the schoolroom. Having timed rotating stations can help everyone hone these important transitioning skills.
Here’s an example of a rotation schedule:
Station number one is working with Mom. This is independent time with Mom to work on harder subjects or new concepts, with math and reading being the most common subjects that need extra attention. Teaching a kid to read will probably take more of your teaching time than anything else. If you have a child in this category, know that for a season, you will have to dedicate more concentrated effort with them until they are able to work more independently.
Station number two is independent work or play. For older kids this could be practicing an instrument, completing worksheets, handwriting, online math or spelling, or literature or history reading. For younger kids it could be blanket time, coloring books, play dough or puzzles.
Station number three is play time with young siblings. Younger siblings love to have the undivided attention of their older siblings and older siblings often enjoy being a help and getting a break in their day to play kitchen or cars. Outdoor play is an excellent option for this station too. Have the older sibling take the younger sibling outside for the allotted amount of time, giving everyone a boost of physical activity.
Station number four is screen time for the younger students. Try to keep this educational like Kids Bible app, ABC mouse, typing, math games or Spanish learning apps, but you don’t have to be legalistic. If they are quiet and happy for 20 minutes, count it as a win.
Keep Toys Accessible – Set up your school area with plenty of engaging activities for little ones. Probably 70% of the space in our school room is dedicated to things for the younger kids. (Middle schoolers and high schoolers just need a few books, a computer, a calculator, a pencil and a snack stash.) Have a set of toys and activities that are only accessible during school time (like playdough) to increase the excitement around those items. Also, keep them stored at a level they can choose from easily. Ideas for things to keep in your school area:
Play kitchen (Do not underestimate a play kitchen. It goes in spurts, but this has been a fan favorite in our house for at least one person for 12 years and counting.)
Puzzles easy enough they can complete on their own
Coloring books
Sticker books (We love Usborne’s sticker books!)
Magnatiles
Pattern Blocks/Tangrams
Stamps
Dot to Dot Markers
Lacing cards
Lift the flap books
Reading books and picture books
Playdough
Mandatory Outside Time – Everyone needs to burn energy, especially little ones. Having a recess break in the mid-morning will allow your little ones to burn off energy and give your older ones a nice break from their work as well. A timer is handy for this as well to keep a thirty-minute recess from morphing into a two hour field day. A trampoline could be a worthy investment!
Screen Time – You are not a bad mom if you let your little ones watch some TV during the day. While it doesn’t have to be your default, we ALL do it and your kids will be fine. Learning apps like ABC Mouse are great for short durations of time, but movies work too. Here are a few DVD/TV series that totally count as school: Magic School Bus, Liberty Kids, What’s in the Bible, Sesame Street and LeapFrog.
Limiting their screen time during non-school hours is also a bonus in helping it feel more like a treat than their usual fare. In our family, we have no screens on Mondays, limited screens on Tuesdays-Thursdays and more liberal screen time on Fridays. One suggestion with screen time: No screens before morning time. It derails everyone in the house and makes the morning routine drag on.
Magic Trash for Clean Up Time – Don’t forget to include your little ones in the daily clean up routine! My friend Natalie, homeschooling mom of five, shares her ingenious clean up trick: “I’ve always wanted the house at least picked up before my husband got home. Now that my kids are older, we have a pretty set chore rotation but that was pretty worthless when they were tiny, so we would play ‘Magic Trash.’ I would pick something in the house that was out of place but didn’t tell the kids. Then I would say, ‘Magic trash has been spotted!’ Everyone would rush to clean everything up. Whoever cleaned up the magic trash would get a sticker or lollipop or a quarter or something small. Not only does this work at the end of a school day, but it works really well when they had friends over, and the house would get completely trashed but cleaned up in under ten minutes. I still do this for big parties and offer cash to teens! They love it!”
Lunchtime Hacks – Lunchtime is my least favorite part of the school day. I don’t understand my own distain for it honestly. It is the Achille’s heel of my day. It’s not overly complicated but is a just a huge speed bump in the day that can eat away hours of time if your family is like mine where everyone wants a twenty-five-step gourmet meal in the middle of the day. Here are a few ideas to simplify the lunch routine:
Have a set time for lunch (and snacks if you do snack time). Otherwise your children will eat ALL DAY and you will plow through a week’s worth of groceries in one day. Plus, they are going to ask you a million times if it is time for lunch, so just have a set time, teach them to read a clock and you could be in line for the Nobel Peace Prize.
Rotating Lunch Schedule – Take the guess work out of lunch and set up a schedule cafeteria style. For example, Mondays – sandwiches, Tuesday – chicken nuggets, Wednesday – salad, Thursday – quesadillas, Friday – pizza
Make ahead sandwiches – My friend Leigh, homeschooling mom of five, has an assembly line to make sandwiches at the beginning of the week, having them ready to pull out each day at lunchtime.
Buddy System – pair an older kid with a young kid to help make the younger one’s lunch.
Cook lunch – this is admittedly my least favorite thing to do, but when I do it, it makes the routine so much easier. Make a pot of soup or spaghetti or something that can easily be sloshed out to the army of hunger-ravaged little bodies.
Having little ones can be a fun, but exhausting time. During seasons with new babies, toddlers and preschoolers, it is best to set realistic expectations for the entire family. You will never regret spending time with your kids or watching their relationships blossom with each other. Just read together, pray together, do a little math and read some more…and have a full bin of snacks.
How do you keep little people busy during your school days?
Next week we will break down morning time to set yourself up to start each day off on the right foot! See you then!
Cracking open the boxes of shiny new books is an exciting event in homeschool life. Even for the kid that hates math, opening a box of new math books can be exciting. But, what next? While keeping the books in a box in the corner of the dining room and pulling them out when everyone feels like doing school may work for some, most of us need a little organization and planning to make the wheels of the homeschool classroom turn.
I am a planner by nature. I love an Excel spreadsheet like a sweaty kid loves a popsicle on a hot summer day. If my brain were a clothing store, it would be Ann Taylor or Talbots – crisp, neat rows of color coordinating styles arranged by sleeve length and fabric. Some homeschool moms planning looks more like the clearance bin at Old Navy – things are a bit disorganized, but everyone has a lot of fun and no one is stressed about putting things back where they go. Everyone needs a bit of both extremes to make homeschooling successful. Today I will give some Talbots style ideas on organization, but make sure to find that Old Navy mom that shows you how to maximize the fun too!
Planning will look different for each family based on preferences, style and curriculum, but here are three systems I use for school supplies/books, long term planning and daily tasks. (Hint: tackling these things a few weeks before school starts will make life easier for everyone, especially you!)
Organizing School Supplies and Books
I love these 10 Drawer Rolling Carts! They are an invaluable part of our classroom and make organizing and stashing everyone’s books a breeze! Every school age kid has a cart and each drawer is labeled with a subject.
At the beginning of the week I make sure each drawer has what each kid needs for that subject for the coming week. For example, my 4th grader’s science drawer could have her science book, journal and experiment instructions.
I fill these drawers by week and use them more for organization, however Erica over at www.confessionsofahomeschool.com, my go-to organization guru since I started homeschooling, has a daily workbox system for organizing that uses these carts. I’ve just adapted her system a bit to fit our needs. Her site has loads of great ideas from organization to curriculum to sewing and meal planning. Be sure to check it out.
If you use a curriculum like Sonlight or Tapestry of Grace, you will also need a system to keep your books organized. I organize our history books for the year in sequential order, so I avoid searching through stacks of books each week to find the ones we need. I have separate shelves for reference books, literature books and fun reading books for the younger kids. Our bottom shelf is filled with coloring books and sticker books, so they are readily available for little hands to grab.
Long Term Planning
My first task in getting ready for the upcoming school year is to print out a monthly calendar for the entire year. (I just use my email program which is simple and free.) I plug in holidays, my husband’s work trips and days off and family trips. Then I sketch out our plan for the year.
The Abeka language books have 170 lessons, so for us, I know we need time for 170 lessons, a few of which can be doubled up. We have full school days Monday-Thursday with lighter days on Fridays. I pencil in the 170 lesson, which gives me a start and end date to our school year. Then I add our history curriculum schedule which is set by our online coop, with 36 weeks of instruction per year. Then I go back in and fill in which chapters we will cover each week in other subjects like science and geography.
A much simpler approach is just to pick up the math book every day and do a lesson and when the book ends, you are done with math for the year. This method works for most people. I just prefer to do a quick sketch in the beginning of the year so that through the year, I have a sense of when we need to push to catch up or when we can have a more relaxed schedule. This is especially helpful when family come in town, when we move or when we take trips. I can adjust our schedule and still have confidence we will stay on track for the year.
Long term planning is also helpful when looking at what you want your child to learn over the course of several years, for example when should you introduce Pre-Algebra or a foreign language.
Day to Day Planning
The most invaluable tool for me in our classroom is our daily assignment sheets. Fair warning – this takes a bit of work and planning on my part over the weekend, but our schoolroom would not function smoothly without them. I try to plan two weeks at a time so that I have a break from planning every other weekend.
Digital Lesson Plans for my 1st grader
First, I fill in a digital version of the assignment sheet in Excel. If printer ink wasn’t so expensive, I would just print these out every week! These also give me a digital record of our school weeks should I ever need to reference them. These are pretty general and give me a framework for the week.
4th Grade Assignment Sheet
Next, I fill in a pencil version with specific details like page numbers and place it on each desk before Monday morning. This allows everyone to work independently throughout the day without me constantly dolling out assignments. For the elementary age kids, I fill in everything for them. For my middle schooler, I give a list of assignments for the week, and she fills in her daily schedule.
Summer Version of a Middle School Assignment Sheet
Not only does this help teach time management, it helps me to divide my time among them as needed. If an assignment needs to be completed with me, I simply write, “with Mom,” so they understand they need to come to me with that assignment. The younger students get the bulk of my time as the older ones move toward more independent work.
The assignment sheets also force me to think through what I want us to accomplish that week and gives me the accountability to plan in some fun!
Those are the three items that keep our school days rolling smoothly. I would love to hear your organization tips for your classroom!
Next week we will look at one of the biggest challenges of homeschooling families: What do you do with the little ones?? I’ve assembled a panel of veteran homeschooling mamas to give us their best advice for keeping the littles busy and happy while actually getting things done with the older ones. Not an easy task for most of us!
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