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Homeschooling 101 Series – 5 Steps to Simplify the Curriculum Search

This is the second article in my Homeschooling 101 series.  If you missed the first post on Finding Your Why, be sure to read it here.  Today we are tackling one of biggest hurdles – finding the best curriculum for your family.

I was a few years into homeschooling the first time I went to a homeschool convention.  As I walked into the convention hall where the curriculum displays were set up, my feet stopped, as if they were glued to the floor. The room stretched the length of two football fields, with wall to wall displays of glossy, color splashed banners promoting curriculums of every shape and size: grammar, spelling, math (lots and lots of math), art, science, history, worldview, Latin, manners, computer coding.  You name it, they had it. Whether shopping online or at a convention, the sheer volume of choices can be overwhelming, even for a veteran homeschooler. You can quickly be guilted with thoughts like, “Oh everyone should learn Latin?” or “A well rounded child must have instruction in fine art.”  Or you may simply just not know where to start. Curriculum shopping is not unlike any other type of shopping in that doing a little research and making a list before you go into the store will make a huge difference.  Here are four steps to help make the curriculum search a little more manageable, plus save you a lot of time and money.  

  1. Understand Your Child’s Learning Style and Your Teaching Style

Understanding how your child learns best is an important step in choosing what curriculum would work best for them.  However, often when considering curriculum, parents only consider their student’s learning style and not their own.  The first homeschooling resource recommended to me was Cathy Duffy’s 102 Top Picks of Homeschool Curriculum. (I highly recommend her resources as a more thorough look at this topic.) In the first section of the book, Duffy lays out the importance of taking a balanced approach, giving equal weight to your child’s learning style and to your teaching style.  You have to factor both in because it is shared effort that you both need to be comfortable with.  

For example, math manipulatives do not make sense to me.  I totally understand they are helpful for some kids, but for my brain, they are more confusing than just working the facts on paper.  A booth at a curriculum fair could sway me to purchase a math program that is “proven to help kids succeed at math” but if it is not the way my brain works, it shouldn’t be my first choice.  But if my child has struggled with traditional workbook-based math, a new approach could make learning easier, lightening everyone’s load.  

2. Consider Your Homeschooling Approach 

You don’t have to get too deep into the weeds on this topic, especially if you are only considering homeschooling for a brief season, but it is something that you have to consider in order to narrow the scope of your search.  Some popular approaches to homeschooling are: Charlotte Mason, Classical, Unit Based Studies, Unschooled, and Traditional. (Read more about each one here or here.) Ask yourself, “What do I want school to look like?” Do you want to buy an all-in-one option where you simply follow the prompts, or do you want to piece together your own choices for different subjects?  Do you want to dive into one topic and build lessons around that topic or do you want to use textbooks to give a wider, but briefer, overview of the subject? Do you want to learn primarily through exploration and nature walks, or do you want your kids gathered around the table with a textbook and workbook for every subject?  Do you want the approach to be more language based or technology based? Knowing what general approach you want to take will narrow the choices into a more manageable lot.    

When I first began homeschooling, I exclusive used a more traditional approach.  I wanted school at home to look like school.  The longer I’m in it however, the more I have come to appreciate that school doesn’t always have to look like school.  While there is not right or wrong approach, don’t be afraid to think outside the box and customize an education that suits both you and your child.  

3. Research and Ask Questions…But Not Too Much or Too Many

There is a balance when diving into the curriculum waters. You need to know what you are looking for and have a basic understand of what is offered, but do not feel pressured to do an exhaustive search.  Sometimes research is a black hole that sucks us in to a never-ending spiral of searching for the perfect choice.  Spoiler alert – there is no perfect choice.  At the end of the day, school is about learning.  You can do that with any curriculum or with no curriculum at all.  You are simply looking for the best framework for you and your child.  There is no curriculum that you or your child will love every day.  If you child hates math, you may find an approach that bring joy to the subject or you may just find something they hate a little less than what they used before. 

Another important tool in the search is asking questions.  Veteran homeschooling families have a wealth of information to share about what has and has not worked for them in the past.  However, take every recommendation or critique with perspective.  Someone with an unschooling approach may hate Abeka Language Arts or Math, but someone with a more traditional approach may love it.  Our family enjoys Tapestry of Grace, but if you hate history, it may not be the best fit for you.  

4. Keep it Simple

If you are new to homeschooling or if you children are younger elementary school or below, my biggest piece of advice is to keep it simple. Focus primarily on reading and some math.  You kids would be far better off with a calm, organized mom, a few subjects and plenty of time for reading, than a frazzled mom trying to juggle a million things and not executing anything well.  The battle to keep it simple is won and lost when shopping for curriculum, like the battle to eat healthy starts in the grocery store.  Keep your focus very narrow when it comes to curriculum shopping.  That day I walked into the vast jungle of the convention floor, the thing that saved me was my list.  I knew what I needed to buy before I walked in.  If I would have thought, “What fun things could we try?” I could have walked out with enough books to furnish a small school!  

In the early years, subjects like science and history can easily be tackled with a trip to the library.  Pick a topic (weather, plants, electricity or astronomy) or a time period (Ancient Egypt, The Middle Ages, or The Revolutionary War) and read the books with your kids.  They can draw a picture or journal about what they have learned.  The early years of education are all about exposure and exploration, not mastery.  Teach them to read, teach them some math and get a stack of books, having them read to you and you to read to them and they will be well on their way to a great education.  

5. Resist the Urge to Curriculum Hop 

A lot of time and money can be spent researching and buying curriculum.  I would encourage you to resist the urge to jump from one curriculum to another. Just pick something and stick with it until you have a pressing need for change.  There are certainly times for adjustments and a fresh approach and one of the beauties of homeschooling is the flexibility to customize your child’s education. However, I believe most curriculum jumping is more about the mom’s enthusiasm than the child’s needs.  Resist the urge to change out of boredom.  As I said before, at the end of the day school is school and there is no perfect curriculum.  Before buying something new, consider if small adjustments can be made to what you already. Skip the lapbooks or only do the odd/even problem in the math book. Sometimes a new curriculum can be exactly what is best for your child, but sometimes it just brings a new set of challenges. You will save a lot of money and space on your bookshelves, plus not have a mound of curriculum to get rid or sell one day, if you resist the urge and only buy what you really need! 

With curriculum choices that are a good fit for you and your child, you will be well on your way to a successful year.  

Next time we will look at the nuts and bolts of setting a daily routine that will be both consistent and flexible.  See you then!

Are you enjoying this series? Please follow me here so you never miss a post and share this post with your friends.  

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Homeschooling 101 Series – Finding Your Why

If the ever-evolving corona landscape is making you consider homeschooling, you are not alone.  I have had multiple people reach out to me in the past several weeks asking questions about homeschooling given the uncertainty of the coming school year.  While I am no expert, I enjoy helping other families in figuring out how best to customize their child’s education.  In a series of posts over the next few weeks, I will lay out some answers to the most common homeschooling questions I am asked:

  • Should I homeschool? Can I homeschool? (Spoiler alert – yes, you can!) 
  • How do you choose curriculum? 
  • How do you organize your year/week/day? 
  • How do you teach multiple grade levels at once? 
  • How do you keep the littles happy and busy? 
  • How can I juggle my own job/career and homeschool? 

Little of what I will share will be unique to me.  I have gleaned wisdom from many moms over the years and will share that here with you.  I will also point you in the direction of helpful resources no matter where you are in your decision process.  

The first question to ask when considering homeschooling is why. Why do you want to homeschool? Whether you are considering homeschooling for a year or for the length of your child’s education, having a firm why will help shape the resources you choose and give you fortitude when the days get tough.  It will help keep you grounded in your decisions and give you confidence moving forward.  

Here’s how I found my why. 

I never planned on homeschooling.  Neither my husband nor I were homeschooled.  My husband attended public school his entire career, including college and grad school.  I attended private schools the majority of the time, with a stint in public school 4th-8th grade.  For being a planner by nature, I never really considered school choice until my oldest was preschool age.  When weighing the options for preschool, I honestly didn’t want to fork over the money.  That probably sounds terribly shallow, but it’s true. My husband was deployed, we were far from family and I had the time.  I knew I could teach her the basics of a preschool curriculum at home and save our family a lot of money.  

The next year when Addison was in Kindergarten, we moved to West Point, where for ten months my husband was in a graduate program at Columbia University. He only had classes on Monday and Wednesday evenings and Tuesday afternoons.  I knew homeschooling would give us the flexibility to travel and more opportunities to be together as a family, which was really important coming off of two deployments in three years.  

So, it wasn’t until Addison was in first grade that I really thought about how long I was going to teach our kids at home.  I don’t use the pronoun “I” by mistake.  In the early years, homeschooling wasn’t a terribly joint decision.  I had just decided that what’s I wanted to do, and Chad supported it.  He enjoyed the flexibility to travel and not be tied to a school schedule.  By first grade I was already pretty far down the path of “we are a homeschooling family,” but Chad wasn’t there at all.  In the beginning, he accepted the decision with minimal reservations for the early years.  As long as mama was happy, he was happy.  

But a few months into the school year with a first grader, three-year-old, and new baby, I wasn’t happy.  The yellow school bus looked like a ticket to freedom and sanity for us all.  My friend encouraged me to write out the pros and cons of homeschooling for our family and to pray over the list.  She said, “Academically, a one-to-one ratio is almost always better, but you have to know what’s best for your family overall.” 

So, I sat down and made a list of the pros and cons of homeschooling as well as the pros and cons of a traditional school.  Chad and I went over together and prayed over it.  My tendency was to die on the hill of homeschooling just for the sake of saying I didn’t quit.  But I knew I wanted what was best for my kids, for my marriage and for our family.  The result was developing our philosophy of education together, which would serve as our guiding compass for all decisions regarding how we schooled our children.  

            “We believe our children’s education should produce lifelong learners who are passionately living out Christ’s call on their lives.  We want them to be self-motivated, ethical, hard-working adults.  We want them to be firmly grounded in Scripture and have a wide base of knowledge to be able to pursue what the Lord calls them to do and to be able to serve the body of Christ and the local church.” 

For us, the pros to homeschooling that tipped the scale were time and flexibility. 

Time – Discipleship takes time. For us, traditional school simply didn’t provide enough time for us to do that to the level we wanted to do it.  We also wanted our children to have time together as siblings and foster those relationships over peers.  Friendships are vital and we want our children to have friends, but for most people, sibling relationships are going to be more influential and more enduring than third-grade best friends.  As a mom I also wanted to share in my kids’ excitement of learning and firsts.  There is nothing like the excitement of listening to a kid read when it first clicks!

Flexibility – Being a military, travel-loving family, we loved the flexibility homeschooling offered for our schedule.  When deployment reunions or moves happen in the middle of the school year, we can take as much time off as we need (easier for littles than older ones I will admit). We are free to explore places in off peak time periods and take school along as we need to.  Aside from traveling, we also loved the flexibility homeschooling offered in our children’s education.  I often say homeschooling is not able teaching every subject at home – it is about having the flexibility to customize your child’s education. Whether that’s online classes, slower paced curriculums, coops, internships, hybrid schools or dual enrollment, there are countless ways you can customize your child’s education based on their interest, learning styles and your family’s needs. 

So, do I think homeschooling is the right choice for every family? No, absolutely not.  Homeschooling is family decision that has to benefit every member of the family.  Miserable moms and kids are not the goal.  Learning and discipleship are the goals.  This doesn’t mean it’s an easy road of sunshine and roses.  Doing the right thing if often hard, but constant misery and hard are two very different things. There are many children too, especially ones with certain special needs, that would thrive better in a specialized school environment. 

Do I think every family can homeschool? Yes, for the most part. If you have a desire to homeschool your children, you can do it.  There are financial resources and free options for families whose finances would prevent them from purchasing curriculum.  However, I do believe homeschool is difficult for two full-time working parents, especially with young children.  It can be done, but there has to be considerable flexibility for at least one parent to make it successful.  I am learning the art of juggling my career and homeschooling my children myself! 

Do you have to have patience to homeschool? The number one response I get to homeschooling is “Oh, I don’t have the patience to do that.” My answer is always, “Yeah, I don’t either.” I hope the past few months have been a testimony to NO ONE HAS THE PATIENCE FOR IT. Parenting is a choice to live for something other than yourself.  Homeschooling your kids provides lots of opportunities for growth for everyone.  It provides opportunities to work through things together and grow as a family. There are ZERO homeschooling moms (or humans…) that are patient and kind and loving 100% of the time.  

Do you have to be a teacher to homeschool? No.  All that is required to homeschool is the ability to find the resources that will best help your child achieve success.  Anyone can do that.  Online chemistry and calculus classes are popular for a reason!

In considering whether homeschooling is right for your family, whether for a season or for a lifetime, here are some things you can do to figure out your why. 

  1. Pray alone and with your spouse often
  2. Write out the pros and cons of homeschooling for your family
  3. Write out the pros and cons of traditional schooling for your family 
  4. Write out your philosophy of education (This is a great exercise no matter how you choose to school your kids!)
  5. Talk to homeschool families about their experiences 

Once you figure out your why, you will be in the position to move forward with the frequently asked question of: How do I choose the right curriculum? 

That answer is coming up next time! 

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Guest Post – The Sting or The Cell

-Chad Monroe

A few weeks ago, my family was surprised by an enormous swarm of bees at our house.

They flocked by the hundreds just outside the back door off our patio. The noise was like a buzz saw, angry and ready for anything within its reach. Thankfully we were all safe inside, away from the looming threat where we were minutes before.

After several visits from the “bee guys,” decked out in bee suites with smoke cannons, the bees still remain. Apparently, the queen has found the perfect residents inside the structural beam of the patio for her honeycomb palace. The bee colony continues to find the smallest cracks to squeeze through to get to her. They are just living, part of this world, not even knowing the fear they’ve created.

My wife and I are not allergic to bees. We have no idea if any of our four children are. While we haven’t seen a swarm like we did the first day, the colony thrives. Bees impatiently funnel in and out, colliding with anything that gets in their way.

During our 60 days and counting of home quarantine in Spain, these bees made me think about how we define safety, when and where we should assume risk and when and where we shouldn’t.

The first day we noticed the bees, we remained inside for the rest of the day. Well, I went out with a makeshift bee suit on to grill salmon for my wife’s birthday but locked up otherwise. Day two we were extra cautious as well. Day three, the “bee guys” made attempt number one to forcefully remove the bees. This offered us some comfort and we began to play outside again, just with distance and caution. Fast forward two more weeks, one more attempt at extermination, and a pending third visit later this week and here we are.

What are we to do? What is the risk of my children getting stung? What are the possible consequences of them getting stung? While we cannot answer these questions with any level of certainty, we have elected to cautiously enjoy life outside the walls of our home. It became clear that the emotional well-being of our children provided more safety than continuing to lock up inside. While it made sense to continue avoiding the bees altogether out of fear of the unknown possibilities, as time went on, we began to define safety differently. The risk of our emotional well-being outweighed the risk of getting stung by the bees.

I don’t think it’s a stretch for me to apply this bee-hive illustration to the world’s current state. How do we define safety? What risk are we willing to take and why? 

I support our leaders and professional experts. Many are courageously serving during this time of crisis. Yet, there are still many unanswered questions. Some may never be answered. At some point, there is value in wisdom and re-assessing risk in terms of safety.

Safety for some may mean risking it all to simply put food on the table. Safety for others may be a full M95 mask and protective suit as they care for those in need. Safety for others may be school to escape a dangerous home life. For others, it may be locking up inside the comfort of their home with everything they need. The point is, safety for one doesn’t mean, or guarantee, safety for all.

Going forward, we have an undeniable obligation to care for each other. But we must remember this may look differently depending on how everybody defines safety.

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Curriculum Review 2019-20

I am in disbelief that I have been homeschooling for nine years. I still feel like the new kid on the block, but I guess that isn’t necessarily true anymore.  However, like parenting, homeschooling is a plate of shifting sands – once you think you figure things out, things change! Kids change, life circumstances change, and curriculums that worked for one, don’t work for another.  Also, as the years pass, I let go a little more of “what school should look like” in exchange for “what school can look like.”

This was the first year of homeschooling that we did not move and/or I did not have a baby.  Throw in two months of quarantine thanks to COVID 19 and we have had a pretty calm year! 

Here’s a roundup of what we used this past year and how it worked for us:

Morning Time

            We start our morning together with a few group activities, wrangling people to their chairs and providing a definite start to the today. 

  • Prayer
  • Pledge
  • Scripture Memorization using the 50 times method. (Check out more about it here over at The Prime Pursuit.) This year we memorized Hebrews 10:19-25, I Corinthians 13 and Romans 12. 
  • Hymns – Once or twice a week we gather around the piano, working our way through the hymn book. 

Read Alouds 

            Tapestry of Grace has read alouds built into the program that focus on people, topics, and time periods covered in the history lessons. We listen to the books on Audible every day during lunch. (Most of the missionary stories are from YWAM’s Heroes Then & Now series) Here are the books we read together this year: 

Amy Carmichael 
Pollyanna
Eric Liddell, Something Greater than Gold 
Mary Poppins
The Hiding Place 
Mr. Poppers Penguins
Brother Andrew
Jim Elliot
Jacob Deshazer 
Billy Graham, Get Up Out of Your Seat
Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
Destination Moon (not on Audible)
Red Scarf Girl
Book of Virtues (not on Audible)
Joni: An Unforgettable Story

Addison – 7th Grade

History and Literature – Tapestry of Grace, Year 4, Dialectic 

Tapestry of Grace is a four-year cyclical history program that incorporates literature, worldview, art, geography and writing, with history and literature being the main focus.  The reading material is broken down into four categories: Rhetoric (high school), Dialectic (general 6th-8th grade), Upper Grammar (generally 3rd-5th grade) and Lower Grammar (1st-3rd grade).  You determine your child’s level in large part on their reading level.  

This year was our first time to cycle back through a year plan since we started with Year 4 Addison’s 3rd grade year. This is my favorite year of study.  I enjoy the events of the 1900’s but specifically with this year’s plan I enjoyed the missionary biographies that accompany our history studies (Year 3 follows this same pattern). With two years of Dialectic level reading under her belt, Addison more easily and confidently read her history assignments and worked through her response questions independently. 

We participate in an online coop with other Tapestry families which adds a valuable layer to our school days.  Addison took history, literature and writing this year.  I believe a coop is essential for Tapestry at the Dialectic (middle school) and Rhetoric (high school) levels for the students to critically think through the reading material and present their thoughts in class. 

Geography – Tapestry Map Aids & Seterra    

            Tapestry has a built-in geography program, including detailed map assignments at every age level.  I have found the maps to be helpful in understanding the landscape of historical events, but not before the Dialectic level.  

            Seterra is a website with loads of fun geography quizzes for all ages.  This year Addison has been working through each continent, learning the countries and then the capitols before moving on to the next.  It is a quick and valuable tool.  So often geography is overlooked or skimmed over and this website makes it easy and fun for the kids to learn the countries and capitols of the world.  It even has more specific quizzes like Civil War Battles, Physical Features, Bodies of Water and Layers of the Earth.  

Grammar & Vocabulary – Fix It Grammar, Worldly Wise, Abeka    

            As part of our Tapestry Coop writing class, Addison did Fix-It Grammar assignments (Littler Mermaid). These exercises are short and have the student edit a passage each week.  Learning to edit and correct mistakes is a valuable skill for writing and reinforces grammar rules. 

Last year I learned that the full Abeka grammar program was overkill on top of the coop grammar assignments.  This year Addison used the Abeka Grammar Supplement assignments.  Each exercise is short but reviews important concepts. 

This year we also added Wordly Wise Book 4 to focus on vocabulary expansion. I wish I had done this years earlier!  

While this may sound like a lot of grammar, she alternated between the three curriculums each day and it proved to be much more manageable than the full Abeka program paired with a writing class.  

Writing – Online Coop Class     

            I highly recommend a formal writing class for writing instruction in middle school and beyond for most families.  I am a professional writer.  It is my job, and yet I struggle to be consistent in teaching and evaluating my own kids’ writing.  Having taught writing for four years, I can attest that most other families share the same struggle.  Most people need accountability to teach writing well. If you are considering online classes for older students, I would put writing at the top of the list. It is a life skill that they need to be able to do well.

Our coop class focused on solid paragraph construction, topic sentences and essay writing, with a few fun activities thrown in.  

Spelling – Learn that Word (online), Sumdog

             My kids and I enjoyed the online spelling program Learn that Word for years.  It is easy to use and a straightforward spelling drills and practice.  However, the company’s customer service is terrible.  We have had issues renewing our license for years and this year I finally gave up and moved on to another program – Sumdog.  Sumdog is a math as well as spelling program. I do not like it as well as Learn that Word, but for this year, it was a quick, and possibly temporary, fix.  

Spanish – Potter’s School Online Class, Spanish 1A

One of my biggest blunders as a homeschool mom was not enrolling my kids in a formal Spanish class the year we moved to Spain. Since we moved in October, the school year was well underway before I realized how desperately they would need it. I thought this whole learn a second language thing was going to be a breeze, I guess! This year we did not make the same mistake! I enrolled Addison in the Spanish 1A class online from Potter’s School. In this format, they divide Spanish 1 over the 7th and 8th grade years, with the students earning a 1/2 credit for high school Spanish each year. The class met once a week for an hour and a half. While the class seem to CRAWL by for Addison, she needed the reinforcement for grammar and spelling, even if she already knew most of the material verbally.

Math – Life of Fred: Factions; Decimals and Percents 

             Math is not Addison’s favorite subject.  She does well overall but has to work hard and has never really enjoyed it.  Based on recommendations from friends, we decided to try Life of Fred this year to see if it would help her to enjoy math more.  This math curriculum was written by a math professor who wanted kids to love math.  He believes that death by math problem (Abeka, Saxton) is not only ineffective, it turns kids against math.  Each non-consumable book has 30-35 lessons. The lessons are told in story form with 3-5 practice problems at the end of each lesson.  And after five lessons is a Bridge Quiz.  They have five tries to pass the bridge with a score of at least 9/10.  Then there is a final bridge at the end of the book.  The student self-grade their own homework and quizzes making it easy for moms.  The bridges provide a great assessment of whether they understand the concepts of the past five lessons or not.  

I thought Pre-Algebra would be the best place to start for Addison this year.  However, I wanted her to have a solid foundation of fractions and percent, so I bought the full five volume middle school set to review those concepts.  We ended up spending the entire year on the first two books. We repeated the decimals and percent book because every quiz and her final test was a struggle.  Instead of just getting through it, we agreed the beauty of homeschool is that we could make the time to go through the book again to master the concepts.  The second time through was much easier for her than the first, enforcing that we made the right decision. 

I would highly recommend Life of Fred to anyone, but especially to those families looking for a different approach to math. 

Finance – Foundations in Personal Finance (Dave Ramsey) 

This was hands down my favorite addition to our lineup this year.  Foundations in Personal Finance is a DVD curriculum with a student workbook.  The lessons are short (10-15 minutes), engaging and super practical, even for a middle schooler.  Addison is a spender by nature, and I have seen tremendous growth in her attitude about money since working through this curriculum.  I would recommend this for anyone with kids, homeschooling or not.  

Science – Apologia General Science (Online Class) 

I have eagerly awaited the day when my kids would be old enough to take an online class fully independently! We have always used Apologia Science and so General Science was a natural choice for Addison in 7th grade.  Because of the time zone challenge of living in Europe we chose a recorded class vs. a live class through Apologia Academy.  The recorded class gave her the flexibility to listen to class as she had time during the week, yet all of the assignments were still graded by her teacher along with the students in the live class.  The bonus of a recorded class is that recorded students are welcome in the live classes any time.  Pretty quickly Addison decided she preferred going to the live class vs. listening to the recording, but it still gave us the flexibility when we traveled.  (Remember those days? When we could get on airplanes and go places for fun! Ugh!)

Mya – 4th Grade 

History and Literature – Tapestry of Grace, Year 4, Upper Grammar 

             I kept Mya in the Lower Grammar level last year to be able to read books with Lucy, but she could have easily handled Upper Grammar.  She moved to Upper Grammar this year with no problems at all.  I try to keep evaluations to a minimum still at this age, because we are focused more on exposure to topics than memorization of facts. I often had her journal 1-2 paragraphs about history topics and weekly she completed the Tapestry history quizzes, which are mostly short essay questions, charts or diagrams to fill in.  She really enjoyed the literature selections: Indian in the Cupboard, The Breadwinner, The Wizard of Oz and more.  

Geography – Expedition Earth & Seterra

            Mya and Lucy enjoyed this fun world geography curriculum, surveying 31 different countries around the world.  It is set up to focus on one country per week, with daily assignments, however we easily covered the material in one day per week.  (Full disclosure – we did about 1/3 of the projects and crafts she recommends. If you do more of those, you will need more than one session a week.) Along with learning about each country, it also covers topics like weather, ocean currents, the water cycle and volcanoes using the Usborne Geography Encyclopedia.  Mya also used Seterra quizzes, focusing on US States & Capitols, Countries of South American, Europe and Africa. 

Language Arts and Cursive – Abeka 

             Cursive may seem obsolete, but I continue to feel that it is a worthwhile investment.  Not only are they able to write in cursive, they will be able to read letters and documents written in cursive. 

            At this age Abeka begins to drill the eight parts of speech in the grammar text and introduces diagraming.  While I think the grammar instruction overall is fantastic, I do have a few complaints about the workbook.  The unit on research papers is almost exclusively focused on encyclopedias (like the actual hard back books) as a primary source.  While I do think the grammar instruction is solid enough to overlook outdated material like that, I do wish they would update their material to reflect how students actually research papers today. Although I did have Mya write a 5-paragraph essay over a history topic during that unit, we skipped most of that material and the other writing prompts.  

Writing – Usborne’s Creative Writing Book

    Having taught my own kids and coop writing classes for year, I have found that I do not like the majority of writing curriculums on the market for the upper elementary and middle school age groups.  I feel like they are a bit heavy handed in the mechanics of writing.  While important most of that can be covered in a grammar workbook. Kids at this stage also need to be encouraged to think in order to write well.  Especially paired with a solid grammar program like Abeka, I feel like you can be a little more whimsical in your writing selections.

I bought this writing book in a set with very little expectations. I thought it would be a handy way to keep me accountable to have Mya write consistently.  Guys – I was thoroughly impressed with this book.  It covered a wide range of writing topics from poetry, a variety of fiction genres, screenplays, speeches and even sportscasting scripts.  I will definitely be incorporating some of these ideas into the future writing classes I teach.  As I posted this link I see the book says out of stock.  Hopefully that is temporary, or there is a replacement title.  This is a gem! It is perfect for any upper elementary or even lower middle school students needing a fun and engaging chance to expand their writing skills. 

Spelling – Learn that Word & Sumdog (see above)

Spanish – Potter’s School Online Class, Elementary Spanish

The format for Mya’s Spanish class was a bit different than Addison’s. They met twice a week for 45 minute classes instead of once a week. The homework level was a pretty big jump for us in the beginning of the year, but we eventually got into a rhythm. Since this was Mya’s first online class, she needed a bit of hand holding in the beginning. Like Addison, she knew most of the material verbally but needed the reinforcement of grammar and spelling. For a kid unfamiliar with Spanish, this is a good, but challenging, class.

Math – Abeka, 4th Grade Arithmetic  & Reflex Math

            Although I was intrigued by it, I was a bit hesitant to move the everyone to Life of Fred Math (see above).   I left the choice up to Mya and she decided to stick with Abeka this year.  While I had no complaints with the program, side by side with Addison’s math work, Mya’s really did look like death by math problems.  However, having her complete the odd or even problems only relieved most of that.  We also skipped some of the General Review pages scattered throughout the book. I do appreciate consistent drill practice however for concepts like long division, fractions and story problems.  

Reflex Math is a website/app that is solely focused on drilling math facts. All of my girls have used this and it is far more effective for us than flashcards.

Science – Apologia Zoology Flying Creatures, with Notebooking Journal, with MP3 Audio

            We love the Apologia Elementary Science books.  They dive deep into one subject rather than skim the surface of many topics.  Mya and Lucy rounded out their three-year study of zoology this year with Flying Creatures. This is one of my favorite books of the series. We especially love the chapters on bats and bees.  The caution I would give to this book is it is a bit difficult to do overseas, or at least for a non-bird expert like me.  Many of the observations were geared toward different species of birds than we have here in Spain.  I’m sure this could easily be overcome with a little effort should this be an issue for you. (I think you would run into the same issues with the Botany book.) 

            Mya and Lucy listened to the chapters on their own and then we went over the review questions together.  

            This year I did notice one drawback to this series, however.  When you dive deep into subject matters rather than skim, there will be gaps in knowledge compared to other elementary science curriculums.  For instance, in her elementary years Mya so far has studied Land Animals, Sea Creatures, Flying Creatures, Astronomy and Anatomy.  This has provided her with a wealth of knowledge, but means she hasn’t studied things like electricity, the layers of the earth or elements. This isn’t a negative; it is just something to be aware of. Elementary age is perfect for exploration and introduction to a wide range of topics.  Gaps will be filled in with later science studies.  Addison filled in many of these gaps after General Science.  

Lucy – 1st Grade 

History and Literature – Tapestry of Grace, Year 4, Lower Grammar 

             There are a ton of books for the Lower Grammar Level of Tapestry.  Since Lucy is still a beginner reader, I read her all of the history assignments.  While they cover mostly fun and interesting topics, it is a lot for a first grader.  We didn’t cover every suggested history book, but we were able to cover all the literature selections. 

Geography – Expedition Earth & Seterra

            In addition to Expedition Earth (see above) Lucy also used Seterra quizzes, focusing on the continents, oceans, and US States. 

Language Arts, Reading and Cursive – Abeka 

             The Abeka phonics program is a solid reading program and has worked well for all of my kids so far.  It reviews phonics through 2nd grade.  The 1st and 2nd grade workbooks have a language book and a phonics book.  If you have a really strong reader, the phonics workbook is probably not necessary in 1st grade and definitely not necessary in 2nd grade.  

            As Lucy’s spelling improved through the year, she began journaling on science or history topics once a week, 2-3 sentences. 

Spelling – Learn that Word & Sumdog (see above)

Math – Abeka, 2nd Grade Arithmetic & Reflex Math

Typing – Typing Instructor for Kids

Science – Apologia Zoology Flying Creatures

            Since introduction to concepts, not mastery, is the goal at this age, I did not have Lucy do anything else other than listen to the chapter and review the questions with me. 

Jake – Preschool 

Letter of the Week Preschool Curriculum  

            I am pretty flexible when it comes to preschoolers.  It is the one age level that I am fully on board with child-led learning.  Jake was more enthusiastic in wanting schoolwork than his older sisters were at the same age, especially at the end of the year.  

            I have a file folder of each letter with the activities printed, cut, laminated and ready to go at the beginning of the year.  This helps ensure I will actually do preschool every week.  Some years I have not been as organized, and I am never very successful printing and prepping during the school week.  

Group subjects: 

Bible – Apologia What We Believe Series: Who Am I 

This is our second year using the What We Believe worldview curriculum.  I continue to be impressed with the discussions and engagement we have though these stories, lessons and through provoking questions.  Addison has assignments in the companion notebooking journal, while the younger kids engage with discussions only.  If you are a military family, contact Apologia for 40% off all of your purchases! 

What’s in the Bible – DVD Series 

Every Friday morning the kids watched a 30 minute What’s in the Bible episode.  The series is a fantastic overview of the Bible and is great for ANY age. Watching one episode per week, it takes 26 weeks to walk through the whole Bible. 

Art  – Local Art Classes and ScrawlrBox 

            Addison is our resident artist and has flourished being in a formal art class this year.  She is a pencil drawer primarily, so the exposure to other mediums have been great for her. ScrawlrBox is a subscription service that delivers art supplies every month and features a small original work by a member artist.  It has included things like gel pens, brush-tip markers, smudge erasers, and quality colored pencils. Every month they also include a new drawing pencil.  It is her favorite day of the month when it arrives in the mail. 

Music – Piano 

             This is our second year of online piano lessons and I don’t think we will ever go back to in person lessons.  Chad’s cousin Rachel is a piano teacher and she offered to do online lessons with the kids.  It has worked out well for us.  I love the consistency it will provide in the future and I love not having to wrestle Jake somewhere outside our house while waiting on the girls to finish lessons.  The girls even got to participate in the recital virtually!  

PE –  Swim Team, HIIT and Downdog Apps

             We made the leap from gymnastics to swim team this year and the girls have never looked back.  Normally they swim three nights a week, plus competitions on the weekends, so we haven’t added a lot of formal PE into the schedule.  When COVID closed everything down, we needed a more focus on workouts at home.  We have found a family of apps that we love to use.  HIIT gives killer quick workouts and Downdog is a yoga app that is totally customizable for whatever practice you want that day.  There is a free version of the basic workout, and the full version is also free until July 1st for students, teachers and healthcare workers!

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Two Paths: Where Do We Go from Here?

The world has changed.  Over the last two months we have seen a response to a crisis unlike anything in modern history.  Plagues, pestilence and disease are not new, but the response to this particular virus is unprecedented.  While there have been regional responses to disease in the past, globalization and social media provide rich soil for world-wide and real time responses. We could speculate as to why this response has been so extreme, but the more important question I believe is where we go from here and what are the standards for determining that path.  

The path forward is a murky one.  Those in leadership have to make difficult choices, with some oversimplifying the choice as choosing between physical well-being over economic well-being.  Unfortunately, however, the choice is not that simple.  One thing that framework suggests is that physical well-being was assured before this crisis began.  It assumes that no one was dying before this virus started sweeping the globe, which is obviously not true.  

In response, leadership asked people to stay at home to protect the vulnerable populations and give the healthcare system space to meet demand.  The goal of social distancing was clear – to flatten the curve and to not overwhelm the healthcare system.  Flattening the curve and protecting the vulnerable are worthy and achievable goals that everyone should strive to help accomplish. But remember, the stated goal was never to eliminate death or sickness.  

Now however, two paths seem to be emerging in the way forward: open up the economy with measures of protection or keep lockdowns in place until safety can be achieved.  In order to achieve safety, the definition of safety has to be determined. What if what is safe for one is not safe for all? Is a vaccine the only hope for reopening society? What if someone doesn’t want the vaccine? Will they be mandated to take it in order to achieve the desired level of safety? These are all difficult questions to wrestle with, but one thing is certain: humans have a 100% death rate; so, I think we would all agree that the goal of zero deaths from any virus is an impossible standard.  So how many deaths are ok? 

Let’s look at the numbers for the flu for some perspective. (Before you start launching tomatoes, I’m not comparing the viruses themselves, just the numbers.)  So even with the very best medicine can offer, a vaccine with about a 40% effective rate[1], and years for people to build up antibodies, as many as 61,000 people die every year in the US of the flu[2].  And yet, each flu season, as a society we carry on with life as normal.  Some people put great effort into decreasing their chances of sickness – increased sanitizing regimes, avoiding large crowds, taking natural supplements or over the counter medications. Some people, however, take no precautions and take their chances with the possibilities of getting the virus.  Even in isolated incidents, some schools have closed for a short period of time for extra sanitation measures if a particularly high outbreak has occurred. Up until now, Americans have generally accepted this scenario of tens of thousands of people dying of one disease as normal, albeit sad, reality. 

The data from this virus is hard to pin down, but here are the things we know:

  • The death projections in the US went from 2.2 million in the worst-case scenarios to about 60,000, or the same level as the flu.[3]  
  • The death numbers are inflated.  Dr. Deborah Birx stated on April 7, “If someone dies with COVID-19, we are counting that,”[4] So a patient who dies of a heart attack c would be listed as a Covid-19 death if it was reasonably assumed the patient had the virus.  
  • Far more people have had the virus than the test numbers reflect, which also makes the death rate lower than once thought.[5]
  • USNS Comfort is no longer needed in NYC and was only used for a small number of patients.  
  • At least two Army Field hospitals that were built have been taken down for lack of need.

With this information in mind, we need to examine the two paths of thought we see in our country – extending lockdowns until a measure of safety can be achieved or reopening life and economies with some social distancing measures.  With either path you run into the question of the value of democracy and individual rights.  How do we make the leap from viruses and vaccines to democracy? 

In democracies and free markets people get something that no other system of government can offer: freedom of choice. A democratic government “derives its powers from the consent of the governed.” American democracy was such a radical idea because for the first time in human history every voice in society would get an equal vote.  This meant that those in leadership weren’t the “elite” of humankind and that riches or birthright didn’t determine who could govern.  It meant that education did not determine the worth of your voice.  The Declaration of Independence boldly declared that every person has the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, not because the government bestows it upon them, but because it is given to them by their Creator.  Although it took America years to get there, every person has the opportunity to freely choose the laws placed over them through representation. 

The one tricky question in democracy has always what rights belong to the federal government, what rights belong to the state and what rights belong to the individual.  Systems like communism cannot afford to give people liberties like the freedom of speech and the freedom of religion because their system requires compliance. Freedoms and compliances sometimes are at odds, especially when the governed have no voice in their representation. 

So, then what is the role of the government for us as Americans? Is it to keep us safe? Is it to provide for our every need?  It is to care for the poor? Is to heal the sick? I believe Abraham Lincoln said it best, “That government should do for people only what they cannot do better by themselves, and no more.”

We can make decisions about our health. We can make decisions about how and where we worship.  We can make decisions about how we express our opinions and how we treat others.  We do not need the government to regulate these things. There are many things we normally do on our own that only come into question at times of crisis.  Fear drives people to look to a higher power for protection and security, to assure them everything will be ok. 

Thurgood Marshall said, “History teaches that grave threats to liberty often come in times of urgency, when constitutional rights seem too extravagant to endure.”[6]

So, what does this civics lesson have to do with Covid-19? That remains to be seen, but the potential exists for liberties to be taken and never returned if fear is allowed to dominate the conversation.  

What if a state decided that in order to return to work, you had to receive a vaccine? Or that schools would not reopen until a vaccine was available? This is one example of ideas swirling around that would provide a feeling of safety for some, but an abuse of liberty for all.  Defining “essential work” could be another in an extended lockdown.  A hair stylist may not be listed an essential job, but if a single mom of three is dependent on it to feed her children, the hard lines of what is essential and not become more blurred.  

Or what if every flu season a version of the last two months is replayed?

Democracies allow for freedom of choice and depend on the moral compass of the governed. There is no middle ground for democracy.  Enacting restrictions so severe people are forced to comply out of fear is tyranny.  The Civil War, The Great Depression, World War II and 9/11 each had instances of overstep by the government defended by urgency.  Some were rescinded and some were not.  We are at a pivotal point in our nation where we need to be aware of decisions being made and the long-term effects on our freedoms.  

John Adams said, “Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”[7]

The government cannot legislate morality and kindness.  The government cannot make us think of our neighbor more than ourselves.  Free people have to make that choice.  If they are not governed by the law of God in their hearts, then the government often steps in to enforces laws.  Given the sin nature of man, this is a natural consequence, but this is not how government works best because even at their best, leaders’ actions are never without motives and influence.  This works well for you only if you agree with the motives and influence of the current leaders.  

It is the responsibility of people and the church to step into these roles of caring for others, not the government’s.  As a whole the church has done such a woeful job of this, that now a generation has been brought up to believe that the role of the government is far broader than it needs to be.  

The answer is not more government regulation. The answer is that as a nation need to think of others more than ourselves.  We need to do what is in our power to keep the disease from spreading, but not let our fear overpower common sense.   We need to ask discerning questions and not just take information as it is presented. We need to hold our leaders accountable and ask questions when things seem to not add up.  We need to help our neighbors instead of expecting the government to do it.  We need to make our voices heard when federal government grabs for powers that should lie with the individual or the state, while at the same time obeying rules placed for our good that may just be a temporary discomfort.  

This all takes wisdom and discernment in a time of media sensationalism, political division and self-serving ideologies.  Our leaders need prayer and divine wisdom in the days ahead.  Let’s pray for them and look for ways to serve those around us and put others before ourselves.  

[1] https://www.cdc.gov/flu/vaccines-work/vaccineeffect.htm

[2] https://www.cdc.gov/flu/about/burden/index.html

[3] https://www.foxnews.com/politics/coronavirus-model-estimates-us-deaths-down

[4] https://nypost.com/2020/04/07/feds-classify-all-coronavirus-patient-deaths-as-covid-19-deaths/

[5] https://www.dailywire.com/news/l-a-county-study-antibody-testing-suggests-covid-19-infections-far-more-widespread-death-rate-much-lower-than-thought?fbclid=IwAR115jFPmkiSEJ3v9e9COWuS5fdP785VBcXCU4fZmzWGz4pEZIPDfUsyhwg

[6] https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/490409-history-teaches-that-grave-threats-to-liberty-often-come-in

[7] https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/john-adams-quotes

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Two Rules to Live By

I struggle with hard and fast rules.  I realize this seems totally contrary to the title of this post and my overall personality.  Left to its natural state my brain functions at two speeds: all or nothing.  Either I let the school room exist in a state of complete disaster (thank you three-year old boy) or the books are in Dewy Decimal order, lined perfectly ½ inch from the lip of the shelf.  The bathrooms are either “kid cleaned” or “mom with a toothbrush” cleaned.  I struggle anywhere in between.  I have had to put significant work into curbing this tendency because often there is simply not enough time for “all,” and families can’t function well in “nothing.” 

So, when it comes to rules to live by, I have to be careful.  If Jesus can narrow the entire Law into two commandments, I figure that’s a pretty good plumb line of how many my brain can handle.  

Rule #1 – No Yard Sales

I love a good deal and I try not to allow clutter to pile up in my home, so why no yard sales? The principle – I never want to accumulate enough unwanted stuff that would justify having a yard sale.  When you move every few years and literally have to find a home for every item you own, it pays to keep things as light and clutter free as possible.  I do this by limiting household purchases to stuff that we actually need, therefore reducing things that will one day end up in the donation bin.  Decorating with timeless fabrics and pieces and passing clothes down between children reduces some of our need to purchase new things.  This doesn’t mean I don’t shop, but it does mean I try to only shop with a purpose.  (Ok, I will admit it: I don’t love shopping anyway.) When we trek through stores like IKEA, we stick to the list, which is beneficial for the budget as well. Shopping less for ourselves allows us more resources to be generous to others.

Even if you love to shop and change decorations up often, this rule can still apply to you, you just have to be more diligent to not let things pile up. I keep two donation boxes in our house.  One for clothes and one for other items.  When the box is full, it leaves the house.  While I love to pass our kids’ clothes to friends if possible, I love finding an organization with a clothing closet for foster families.  For larger furniture, I use Facebook or Craigslist to get them out of the house quickly. 

When an overseas move and the “no more babies” stage hit our house at the same time, I will admit that I broke this rule and did a major purge.  Seasons change that bring about larger purges, but regularly having an excess of unwanted items could be a sign of a bringing too much into your home in the first place. 

Rule #2 – Don’t Buy New Pants

While I’ve already admitted my distain for shopping, even I must buy new pants on occasion! The principle – as an adult, outside of major life changes, the need for a new pants size is a warning sign.  (Hear me child-birthing age mamas – I’m not talking to you.  Birthing babies is a gift and one day you will be out of the yo-yo stage. Have grace for yourself and your body.) 

“We don’t buy new pant” is an often-heard mantra in my home inspired by my dad.  He’s sixty-four-years old and has worn the same size pants for my entire life. 

For most of us, if we are careful to put healthy food into our bodies and careful to carve out time to require physical activities of our bodies, this rule isn’t too hard to follow.  Please take these words with the grace that I give them – this is not a place of shame or discouragement.  There are multiple factors, including genes, that play into this.  This is just a guiding principle to say that for most of us, if we need to buy new pants, we need to ask ourselves why.  Do we want to allow ourselves to mindlessly and consistently move up pants sizes or do we want to stop and examine the habits that may be contributing? 

I hop on my bathroom scale every morning, normally under the rolling eyes of my husband. The daily scale reading can be brutal.  Scales, or even BMI tests, are tough critics – mercy and grace are rarely extended for small indulgences. Jeans, on the other hand, are like an old friend.  They give us grace but will give us truth when we really need it. They will forgive a milkshake or two, PMS or a few skipped workouts.  It is a decent plumb line for overall health and can be a reason for discouragement or celebration depending on your daily habits.  Ask any woman who has had a baby – it is a day of celebration when you can fit into your normal jeans again! 

These two rules hold me accountable in many areas of my life.  With just two, they are easy to remember, apply and teach to my children.  What are your rules to live by? 

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Do For One: Three ways you can make a difference during Covid-19

 “Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge until these calamities be overpast.” Ps. 57:1

 I called my ninety-one-year-old Ma-maw last night, who is from a generation of people familiar with uncertainty and upheaval (the Great Depression, World War II, Vietnam, The Cuban Missile Crisis, assassinations), and she admitted she had never seen a time quite like the one we find ourselves in today. While there are many things we don’t know, there are a few things we can be sure of – today people need love, grace, and hope.

So often our excuse for not helping others is that we are too busy.  BOOM.  Problem solved.  What a gift of time we have been given.  Let’s not squander it.

 

I can already feel the pushback, “This is too big.  I’m one person.  I’m not a doctor or a scientist. There’s nothing I can do that will make a difference.”

 Andy Stanley often says, “Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.”

 

Here are some things you can do today that will make a difference for someone.

  1. Give Spring Break Away – Our family was supposed to leave on Friday for an epic road trip through Austria, Slovenia and Croatia. We often wing our travel plans a bit, but not this time.  A concert in Vienna, glamping in Slovenia, stunning national parks and more.  Not is that trip canceled, but our entire spring itinerary is gone thanks to a 60-day DOD travel ban.  We are not the only ones with canceled trips.

What if we all took the money we were going to use for these trips and gave it away? For many of us, our paychecks will not be altered during this time, however there will be millions whose paychecks stop as the service industry screeches to a halt.  Look at your budget – how much more money will you have this month because you won’t be going out to eat, going to movies or going out with friends?

We can bridge the gap for someone this month.  Think small.  Here’s some ideas:

    • Pay the rent and/or utilities for a waiter or waitress
    • Give to a local food bank or school providing food for students
    • Buy six-month’s worth of gift cards from your hair stylist, nail salon or favorite locally owned restaurant.
    • Give an impacted family gift cards for groceries that will last for a month
    • Give to organizations that are helping meet these needs

We cannot sit back and expect the government to bail out every industry and individual impacted through this.  We can make a difference if we take the time to find out where there are needs and then do for one what we wish we could do for all.

If you are in need, please let someone know! No one can help if they don’t know there is a need.

  1. Support your Local Church & Businesses – Churches depend on weekly offerings to function. If you are a regular attender at a church, do not forget to do this! We need our churches more than ever to be avenues of hope and help for our communities.  Virtually every church has ways for you to give online, or if you are like my mom and still use checks, you could even stick one in the mail.

If possible, continue paying for things like gym memberships and art lessons, even if classes are canceled.  You can probably handle paying for a gym membership you aren’t using, but can your gym afford for the majority of its members to cancel? Move things like counseling, music lessons, and tutoring sessions online instead of canceling. Reschedule trips instead of canceling, if possible.

  1. Do What You Can – For most of us, we have more free time that we have ever experienced in our adult lives. We can do better than setting Netflix viewing records.  What are you good at? What can you offer to a neighbor or friend that you normal wouldn’t have time to do? A friend in text group said yesterday, “My superpower is menu planning.” That is a gift she can offer to local friends holed up in their apartments. God has uniquely gifted each one of us with different strengths that can shine through this dark time.  Here’s some ideas:
    • Write letters to elderly friends, family members or nursing home residents.
    • Offer to buy groceries for an older neighbor.
    • Offer to buy groceries or run errands for your friends that are nurses and doctors.
    • Start an online Bible Study or book club using Zoom or other video platform (this works for kids or adults).
    • Offer a virtual weekly prayer time for those in your neighborhood.
    • Post daily workouts for kids as PE ideas.
    • Buy only what you and your family need. Think of others above yourself. If you have a year’s worth of anything, would you be willing to share with a local food bank to help meet the needs of others?

Even if you do nothing else on this list, could I ask you to pray? Pray for our leaders, health professional, emergency responders, grocery store employees, teachers, pastors, and others on the front lines of this.  Pray they have the wisdom and good health to lead us through this. If you want to pray, but aren’t sure how or have questions about faith, please contact me.  Jesus offers hope, peace, grace and forgiveness for all.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or where you are.

Have more ideas? Please share in the comments things you and your family are doing!

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My Top 5 Parenting Resources

Parenting has always given me a run for my money.  I remember one of those “only one of us is going to make it out of this” days as a first time (and pregnant) mom of a determined two-year-old. I watched out the front door for the sight of my husband’s car.  As it rounded the corner, I grabbed my keys, waved and called, “I’ll be back,” over my shoulder as I passed him in the driveway.  I needed out of the house. 

Where was I going in my rage of desperation? Starbucks run? Nope.  Retail therapy at Target? Not this time.  Baskin Robbins? (I was pregnant, remember?) Unfortunately, I probably didn’t think of that.  No, I found myself standing where many flustered parents had probably stood before me – in the parenting aisle of the local Christian bookstore.  I stood there, tears streaming down my face, an arm full of books, talking to my mom on the phone. “Mom, you don’t understand, this is impossible! I have no idea what to do with her!” I’m sure my mom had to stifle her chuckles to console me.  

If you’ve been a mom for more than a few minutes, my guess is that you have had similar moments, and while maybe yours didn’t lead you clear the shelves at Lifeway, we have all stood in need of wisdom from others in the monumental task of raising little people.  

In James 1:5, the Lord promises to give wisdom to those that ask.  Wisdom isn’t knowledge.  Wisdom is the ability to take knowledge and apply it to daily life.  Parenting today is a complex, difficult task and we desperately need the ability God promises to take His truth and apply to our lives, our parenting and impart it to our kids. As parents we cannot hope to pass on love, wisdom, hope or joy to our children without being in the Word for ourselves.  Every answer we need is there and we have a God that has promised us wisdom as we seek Him.  There is just no substitute for it. 

Proverbs however, makes it clear that gleaning wisdom from others is a worthwhile effort, and while more parenting books is not always the answer, there are some valuable resources that can help us parents.  Here are my top five.  (I am sensitive to the fact that I have the gift of extra time because we homeschool.  Take this list as a buffet of ideas, knowing that many of these could easily be worked into your weekly routine before school, in the car or on the weekends.) 

Honorable Mention – Babywise.  You knew I couldn’t skip it…just didn’t have enough numbers for it this time.  Bottom line – babies and mamas need to sleep.  It works.  Promise.  

  1. What’s in the Bible DVD Series – “Kids aren’t opposed to learning, they are opposed to boring” said Phil Vischer, the creator of Veggietales, who does such an amazing job with this series, giving kids (and adults!) a fantastic overview of the Bible.  Instead of highlighting just the popular stories, like Noah’s ark and David and Goliath, Phil Vischer weaves every book around the story of God’s Rescue Plan – Jesus.  They also learn things like how the books of the Bible are organized (history, poetry, prophets, etc…), giving them a rich, broad view of God’s Word.  There are thirteen DVDs, each with two episodes.  This series is a great addition for any family. They also have a streaming service if you don’t want to buy the dvds.
  • 2. Passport to Purity – We need to talk to our kids about sex. Period.  Our culture’s view of sexuality is so distorted and as believers, we need much more than a slew of opinions on Facebook about the Super Bowl Half-time Show to guide our children in truth in this area.  Passport to Purity is a weekend curriculum for preteens to guide parents in this important discussion.  During the weekend getaway, there are five pre-recorded sessions that you listen to together, structured around questions and answer sessions, projects and free-time together.  There are a few sessions designed specifically for guys and girls, but both are included in the curriculum. As I’ve started these weekends with our children, I can tell you they have been an incredible gift.  Our conversations are open, honest and based on truth. Our kids don’t need us to have all the answers or to have a squeaky clean past ourselves, they simply need parents who are willing to take time to build relationships in which meaningful conversations can be cultivated.  We want our children to come to us with these questions and they won’t if we don’t open the door.  I cannot recommend this resource enough.  The weekend away doesn’t have to be extravagant, but is a worthwhile investment. 
  • 3. Apologia’s What We Believe Series – According to a Barna study, 59% of young people raised in church will disconnect by age 15, with many never returning.[1] As parents, we cannot send our kids to Sunday School and hope they stick with it.  We have to be intentional in discipling our kids. We need to give them not only the foundational beliefs, but teach them how to wrestle with their faith.  This series of book has not only walked through foundational doctrinal beliefs, but has provided meaningful discussions to help us think through tough questions together.  It is a four-part series: Who is God, Who Am I, Who is My Neighbor, What on Earth Can I Do?  There is also a companion notebook for each textbook, but you can easily just talk through the questions with your children or have them answer questions in their own notebook. It is valuable material for any age, but our girls really start engaging with the questions starting in about 4th grade.  
  • 4. Dave Ramey’s Foundations in Personal Finance: Middle School Edition – Addison and I just started this series together and it is fantastic.  Imagine if your kids walked into adulthood grounded in their faith, sexually pure and debt free.  While there is certainly no plug and play formula for perfect kids or adults, we DO have the tools to equip them with the knowledge that they CAN avoid many common pitfalls.  Our kids need to know how to handle money and what the Bible says about it.  This curriculum is labeled for homeschooler, but anyone could use it.  The lessons are short (10-15 minutes), super practical and engaging.  Even my “I would rather do anything other than school” thirteen-year-old says they are fun.  There is also a high school edition that goes a little more in-depth if your kids are older. 
  • 5. Lies Girls Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free– My girls and I studied this book together with a small group last summer.  I have found that we go back to the principles laid out in this book again and again.  It has been a valuable tool to teach us to identify lies that they are believing and begin the process of uprooting them and replacing them with God’s truth. This book is geared toward preteens, but there is a whole series of these books, including one for teen girls and one for women.  

I am far from a perfect mom. Please don’t read this list and walk away with that.  Parenting is the most humbling job and we all need God’s wisdom to do it well.  We don’t want cookie cutter kids.  We want kids that want to know God for themselves and have a clear view of what He wants them to do.  Our job is just to give them tools along the way to help them do that.  What are some of your favorite parenting tools? 

[1] https://www.barna.com/research/six-reasons-young-christians-leave-church/

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Trash Compactor of the Heart

Trash Compactor of the Heart

Disclosure: This is just my story and how I have processed what I have learned. It is not meant to serve as a diagnosis tool in anyway or a commentary on anyone else’s journey.  If you are experience depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts, please contact a medical professional, certified counselor or call the Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255.  

After being diagnosed with depression and anxiety and finding a Christian counselor (Nate) and I was committed to the long haul of exposing the root of the problem instead of just addressing the surface issues.  (To catch up on all that read here, here and here.) 

Now what? 

Unloading on someone that’s paid to listen to you is helpful.  It relieves the pressure valve.  However, me just talking wasn’t going to get me very far.  I actually had to followNate’s guidance on the road to a healthier me. Now, Nate isn’t God and certainly wouldn’t claim to be, but he had wisdom and perspective on my life that I couldn’t see.  My way of interacting with the world had gotten me into an emotional and spiritual tangle; I couldn’t depend on my wisdom to get me out of it.  Having enlisted a guide, I needed to trust him. 

The waters of the unknown felt uncomfortable, like being blindfolded and led through a river of lava with only a few wobbly stones sprinkled along the way.  

“Journal about this…” 

“Express your feelings about that…” 

“Let it fail and see what happens…” 

More frequently than not, I pushed back. 

“You don’t fully understand my situation.”

“That would never work.”

“That’s not how my brain works.” 

“I could never say/do that.” 

Anger, disappointment, sadness, grief and even sometimes even joy take time and effort to process. As a busy mom and wife with a budding writing career, I didn’t have time to process a bunch of emotions that I chided myself for having anyway.   In some ways I wanted to be a robot, rolling through life without letting people and circumstances effect me. I also possess an overwhelming desire to what is right, (poster child of the Enneagram 1ß). I learned to suppress any feelings that could lead to wrong actions on the outside. Some feelings were sinful, but some were not. I sculpted, suppressed and white washed my emotions for so long, I couldn’t tell the difference between sin and genuine emotions I needed to let myself experience. 

My heart had become a trash compactor.  

Nate encouraged me to “let the trash fly,” to let the feeling on the inside come out. I was appalled. How could a Christian counselor encourage me to sin?  How could he want me to focus on my feelings when there were things I should be doingfor God?

He suggested that I had defined sin in a very narrow scopewhile even placing degrees on sin.  Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I believed that outward sins were the only ones that really mattered.  I would have never voiced that belief, but the way I had ordered my life clearly indicated what I believed.  Sin is fairly easy to deal with when it fits neatly on a Top Ten Things Christians shouldn’t do list.  Murder, stealing, abortion, adultery – those are all definable and fairly easy to avoid. Things like anger, unkindness, selfishness were pesky negative habits that simply had to be managed.  

So in an effort to prove him wrong and tell him what a terrible idea he had suggested, one night I let the trash fly.  My poor husband was on the receiving end.  At first it was a trickle, and then an avalanche and by the end we were both sitting in a pile of trash.  It took a nanosecond for me to see Nate’s point.  He wanted me to get a good look in the mirror.    

First, I saw what was in my heart.  Just because I didn’t let it come out didn’t mean it wasn’t in there.  All of my emotions and feeling weren’t wrong, but suppressing them soured them all into resentment, anger and bitterness.  God wasn’t impressed with my ability to check the right boxes on the outside.  In Scripture, He makes it pretty clear He looks at the heart.  In that moment the lie that only the “big” sins on the outside mattered was exposed. 

Second, I saw the pain I could inflict on someone I claimed to love.  My sin and trash compacting caused him real pain that left a scar. My husband is incredibly forgiving and does a pretty good job of not letting me see the effects of my sin on him, but that night it was undeniable.    

Finally, I began to see the damage the trash compactor was wreaking on my life and those around me. As a person created in God’s image, I was denying fundamental parts of my personhood. I wasn’t a robot void of feelings and emotions.  I needed to face my sin, my wants, my hurts, my desires to see who I was.  I had to stand in front of the mirror naked and admit what a mess I was. 

I wish I could say that the trash compactor empties out on the first try or that there weren’t other little trash compactors hidden away for difference people and circumstances, but unfortunately that’s usually not the case, especially if things have been building for a while.  It is a long road, one I’m still on, to learn to share, grieve, love and struggle in real time.  As I learn to recognize sin on the outside and inside and as I admit my need for love and grace more each day, the trash compactor doesn’t fill up as quickly.   

“Letting the trash fly” isn’t an excuse to walk around screaming angry rants at people all day or live in a cesspool of emotions, denying God’s power to work in our lives.  It is a temporary exercise to give a real clear picture into our heart.  

See, God won’t work on our facade.  He needs the real us before real work can begin, and for a lot of us, it takes some digging to find ourselves. While it can be an incredibly painful process, there is a brilliant light of truth that breaks through the darkness – God’s grace. 

I never appreciated grace until I saw my mess.  If I could keep things buttoned up on the outside, I cheapened grace to a one-way ticket to heaven.  I didn’t need others around me to extend grace if my view of sin was narrow enough to keep me in the clear.  

The only way to move forward is a really good look in the mirror of His Word.  We see ourselves for who we truly are.  Authentic self-discovery isn’t about finding a better version of ourselves. It is about finding our true selves in light of God’s grace.  

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Six Thing I’ve Learned in Spain

April marked six months for us in Spain.  (Actually it was seven months, but let’s not count that first month living in a hotel.) After a few weeks in our house I wrote about what the experience of moving to a country felt like and how change is often difficult.  When we talked to others that had moved to overseas, six months was the magic number.  Give it six months they said.  You will probably hate it for six months, tolerate is for a year and love it after that. This can easily apply to any move or major change, not just moving overseas.  Six months into any situation can bring perspective. 

And guess what – they were right.  We would probably even be ahead of the curve from tolerating to loving it.  Obviously we don’t love everything, but there are many things to love about living here.  The sunshine topping the list.  Even in a short time, I have learned a lot but not at all the things I was expecting to learn.  I have been able to look at our lives from a bit of an outside perspective.  

So here are six things I’ve learned so far on this side of the ocean.  

Raise your hand if you need this cup!

1.I Can Live Without Target and Chick-fil-a

Seriously.  As shallow as it sounds, it is true.  Don’t get me wrong, there are times I would love nothing more than to see that white and red sign and to be able to order a number one with lemonade and kids meal instead of making dinner, but we are ok.  Now, I do have a strong Amazon supply chain for some things, yes, but Spain has food and stores and everything we need to survive.  Somethings are different and not my favorite, but I want to shed the idea that I can’t live without the familiarity of only things in America.  I can love it and enjoy, but I’m not crippled without it. 

2. Everyone Loves a Cheeseburger

On the flip side of number one, it is shocking to see how American culture has permeated other parts of the world.  McDonalds operates in 119 countries around the world.  We have McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, Dominos, KFC, TGIFridays, and Five Guys here in Valencia.  (Addison almost went to blows with a boy who tried to compare KFC to Chick-fil-a.) American songs play through the speakers in stores and brands like Gap, Nike, and Under Armour are readily available.  Thera are Crossfit Gyms. The movie theaters look exactly like theaters in the US, playing all the big name Hollywood movies.  You can even watch movies in English on certain days.  We can watchThe Big Bang Theory, This is Us, Fox News, the World Series and the Super Bowl on our Spanish cable provider.  For better or worse American culture and capitalism has at least small stake in every corner of the world. 

3. Americans Use A Lot of Energy

If Europeans get an A+ for energy conservation, Americans get an F. Listen, I bleed red, white and blue, but the vast majority of Americans don’t care about energy conservation and most of the world mocks our efforts.  I never realized the attitude of my own heart in this area.  I would have never hung my clothes out on a line in the US. I would have said, “My convenience is more important.  As long as I can pay for it, why does it matter how much energy I use.” I probably wouldn’t have even been able to articulate it that well because I simply never thought about it.  It is eye-opening to see an entire continent that willingly operates with little air conditioning, even in the hot summer months, and drive tiny cars simply to conserve energy.  I’m not saying I’m completely converted in this area, but I have had a shift in perspective.  If recycling, hanging my sheets out to dry and turning my thermostat up a few degrees helps to peel back some of my self-entitled spirit, it’s worth the effort. In the past I’ve shrugged off climate change and the environment as “not my problem.”  Setting aside the politics of that debate, I do believe I need to be a better steward of the Earth because the Lord has called us to be good stewards of His creation.  I want to teach my kids that more and bigger is not always better and sacrifice for the sake of stewardship is always a win/win.  

4. Americans Are Safety Conscious

As you live in other cultures, you begin to adapt in some ways and grow to appreciate or even accept the norms of your adopted land.  There are however some things that are so ingrained, that they will never change. (Like I’m never going to get use to dinner at 10:00PM. I just can’t.) As a whole, I had no idea how safety conscience we are as Americans.  (My parents are the reigning king and queen of safetyville, so I probably have an extra dose of all things safety related.)  The reason for this American obsession is debatable, with fear of litigation probably topping the list.  Every house here has a pool and virtually none of them have fences.  My American brain can’t even fathom who thinks that this is an acceptable way to live.  Playgrounds harken back to the playground of the 1970’s and 80’s in the US with few railings, metal rails and dangerous apparatuses of all sorts.  Then there are the roundabouts.  I can’t decide if they are just an independent view on driving: people are adults, they can handle it or if it is just a layer of survival of the fittest and population control.  The upside to a less safety focus culture is a more carefree attitude, clearly seen throughout all of Spanish culture: enjoy life and don’t worry about all the what if’s. 

5. Americans Work A Lot 

America led the world in innovation, technology and development through much of the 19thand 20thcenturies.  While some of that balance of power may be shifting, America is still the power house of innovation. If you watch the movie Hidden Figures, you understand why we got to the moon.  It wasn’t luck or chance – it was hard work.  My friend Michael Phelps passed his competitors because he was willing to work longer and harder than most of them.  For most Americans the drive for greatness is inherent. Sixty-hour work weeks just feel normal to us. Why settle for mundane when you can be anything you want to be? 

In our time in Spain, I have come to see that while there are many amazing things that come out of the American spirit and drive, there is a cost that comes with it. Here Chad works less than 30 hours a week on average and gets 22 holidays and multiple weeks of half days.  Does this organization accomplish as much a unit in the states that works double that amount? Certainly not.  However, do Americans tip the scale to sacrifice all on the altar of productivity and output?  Probably so. Every American we have met in Spain have a common theme – they came here to get out of the rat race of the American cooperate world.  They saw an opportunity to live in a culture that valued something other than output.

6. Change Isn’t Always What You Expect

I can’t write a full discourse on what I’ve learned in Spain because obviously the process has just begun. However, I do think the lessons are going to be different than we anticipated.  I expected to learn a language (that reality is still totally up in the air), experience new places and then jump back into American life just like I had never left.  While I will gladly use my dryer again one day, I hope we never return to life as normal. From what I have observed Spaniards value two things above all else: family and time.  While certainly no society is immune from the drive and lust for money and power, I can see a distinct difference in what this country values.  Stores are closed on Sundays because they value something else over profits.  Life shuts down during the month of August because rest and time with family is highly valued.  Dads are present at practices and family dinners because there is a different value system that structures work hours differently.  Chad doesn’t work 13-14 hour days in the US because he doesn’t value his family.  He works long hours because the culture is designed in a way that mandates it. Two-hour lunch breaks and siestas are the norm here because productivity is not the ultimate goal in life.  Can the US military operate on a 4 ½ hour work day and still maintain the most powerful military in the world? Probably not. However, every industry, company and individual can learn lessons from a culture that places a higher value on family and time than on productivity and output.  Even as a mom and a writer, I have much to learn in this area.  All too often I am a slave to my to-do list or my kid’s schedules.  It feels completely normal when everyone around you is spinning in a similar cyclone. However, when all of sudden you are the only one spinning, you stop and wonder why.  

I am a proud American and love so many things about my country and culture, but I’m thankful for the chance to reflect on it from the outside.  I hope we never jump back into the rat race in the same way because in the end the core of who I am is not an American.  I am a child of God and He is using this circumstance to teach us thing we could have never seen in the US.  

You may not be able to pack up and move to another country, but we can all stop and examine our lives. What’s keeping you plugged into the rat race?  What would have to happen to things to change?